New Homes In Countryside

Could anyone please help me by reviewing this essay, written for IELTS writing task 2?

There is a no doubt that most jobs are available in the cities of every country, so people are coming to the city from remote areas and countrysides. Since a home is a basic need, they need to accommodate which needs spaces to build new homes. The cities are already congested and no spaces are available for accommodating new house demands, the countryside would be a solution. In the following paragraphs, I will explain breifly how we can fulfill this increasing demand of house in my point of view.

Due to job availability, good education, and medical opportunities moved people from the countryside to the cities. The cities are already overcrowded, hard to find the places for children to play; it is nearly impossible to find empty spaces for building new houses for new comers. To accommodate this problem, some people suggest to broke the old and small houses for making the high raised building. While others suggest moving the new houses to the countryside.

Both of the solutions have some good logics. For example, those who suggest for countryside for the new houses think it will solve the space problem as well as reduces the overdensity of people in the cities. On the other hand, those who oppose to use the countryside think it will destroy the beauty of the countryside which is also not good in the view of protecting the history.

In conclusion, it is essential to need new spaces for new demand and cities are already overloaded, the best solution would be to go countryside as it will also create job market and bring other modern opportunities to those sides. So by making laws for protecting the historical sites, the government can allow expanding the houses towards countryside which will serve both parties concerns.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor in the College of Fine Arts

Hi, I don’t think your format worked very well for this prompt. See my comments below about your introduction. Then your first body paragraph basically repeats what you just said in the introduction. We already know what the problem is, it was given in the prompt and hopefully restated in your introduction. Now we just need to know what your opinion about this is. In your second body paragraph, you are sort of giving the advantages and disadvantages of each solution, but that is not really what the prompt is asking for. So really your conclusion is the only paragraph that really addresses the prompt. This should probably be in your first body paragraph and then the next one or two paragraphs can show why you hold your opinion.

Thank you, Luschen, you have addressed a good point of my writing. I will remember this for next essays.