Need a little help with my text

It would be nice of you when you can correct my grammar and expression mistakes. Very often my teacher don?t correct my text so I don?t know where and what mistakes I did, so it would be nice of you when you can do that therewith I can improve my skills in English. Here it is:

Will, who is one of the main characters of the story „about a boy“ by Nick Hornby, is a 36 year old man who lives in London. It seems that he isn?t really grown up yet and he doesn?t take life very serious. (P. 9, line19: “He had taken Ecstasy, but in a club and not merely at home as a sociological exercise” and in line 26; “He had never used a flavoured condom…”). He doesn?t work and nevertheless he earns a lot of money.“He earned more than forty thousand pounds a year (five points), and he didn’t have to work very hard for it (five points, and he awarded himself an extra five points for not having to work at all for it)”. Besides he isn?t the family guy
since he doesn?t want to get married or to get children (Page 12, line 5-7: “Any desire for a family of your own yet? I would rather eat one of Barney?s dirty nappies, he thought. Not yet, he said”). Will is more the individual and selfish guy who wants to live his own life and doesn?t want to waste thoughts of other problems not to mention be responsible for them. According to the exposition of his character in the second chapter he cares very much for his appearance. This is in evidence in line 16 P.9: “He had spent more than twenty pounds on a haircut (how was it possible to spend less than twenty pounds on a haircut in 1933?”. Expansive clothes and haircuts let him think he impresses people and specifically women makes him interesting for them. This thesis is also pronounced in P. 9, line 33: “… and he did still think, if he was honest (…, that owning a fast car was likely to impress women”). Will thinks of himself he?s very cool, a great, good looking and successful guy. This is proven for him by a questionnaire in a magazine, the result of which says that Will is even sub-zero. He is also very proud of his way of life and of what he is doing like listening to Hip Hop music.

Hi Tobi,

Please find some suggestions below.

Better: He doesn’t seem to have grown up yet and he doesn’t take life very seriously.

Better: Although he doesn’t work he earns a lot of money.