My reply to a business email

English as a Second Language English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
1

Hello,

I don’t know if this is the right forum for this request, anyway I would appreciate a discussion about this 2° business mail that I write because I hadn’t recived a reply to my first, in wich I proposed some phone meeting suitable dates.

Thanks in advance
Vincenzo

2

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Hello Vincenzo. I can fix your email (see below), but I think that your original is understandable, and there may be some other reason for no confirmation-- perhaps the wrong address? Or the recipient is out of town or no longer interested?

In any case, corrections:

Dear xxx,

With reference to my mail “Re: xxx” of May 1st, I haven’t received a response, so I apologize if the proposed date for the phone appointment was too imminent.

Now I’m writing to propose new suitable dates over the next two weeks:

  • from 4th to 12th May would be suitable to have a phone conversation from 12:00 noon (Cambridge time).
  • from 14th to 19th May would be suitable from 1:00 p.m. (Cambridge time).

If you wish, I could call you during an evening in the next two weeks instead.

Could you please confirm receipt of this message? I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Vincenzo xxx
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3

Hi, Mister Micawber

vs.

Could you tell me why you preffered your version to velectro’s version ?
Your version is just more polite and grace? Or velectro’s version is nongrammatical?

Thanks

4

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It is more polite and businesslike.
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5

Thanks,
Dear Mr. Micawber, please let me know if I can do this type of new thread, I think that is important to learn how to write business mail, refering to TOEIC too.
I’d like to analyze with you the change you made in oreder to improve my writing skills.

1 - I noticed that you use an upper case “With”, is a general rule, must I ever use an upper case letter at beginning of a business letter?
2 - Why you change “Then I’m writing” to “Now I’m writing”
3 - Why you use “new suitable dates OVERS”
4 - Why form 12:00 noon and not 12:00 am

Have you any suggest for improve my specific business speak/write skills. Would be really useful for me understand if I’m writing or saying something businesslike or not.

Thanks
Vincenzo

6

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1 - I noticed that you use an upper case “With”, is a general rule, must I ever use an upper case letter at beginning of a business letter? – Capital letters always begin a sentence.

2 - Why you change “Then I’m writing” to “Now I’m writing” – You should write as you speak-- in the present moment. If your meaning was ‘therefore’, then use ‘therefore’, because ‘then’ meaning ‘as a consequence’ does not begin a sentence; it is ambiguous in that position.

3 - Why you use “new suitable dates OVERS” – I used ‘over’, which means ‘in the course of; during’.

4 - Why form 12:00 noon and not 12:00 am – ‘AM’ and ‘PM’ are confusing at best and meaningless as well when applied to exactly 12:00. Always use ‘noon’ and ‘midnight’-- especially when communicating globally. I frankly do not care for anyone else’s opinion on this point; ‘midnight’ and ‘noon’ are the only unequivocal forms, and should always be used.

Generally, to appear businesslike: avoid contractions, phrasal verbs and slang. There are other cautions too numerous to mention.
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7

I had written a complaint about my Incorrectly Name and CNIC as well. But if no response from there.

Okay… I’m writing a letter about my Complaint but as a confirmation.

With reference to email Re: June 17, 2011, I haven’t yet not received a confirmation about my Below Request either it is updated or not.
I have still received Insurance Related Doc ( cover letter & Catch Card) from the Insurance Company. and my Name’s spelling & Identity Card Number shown as:
Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new/Renewal Card.

Your Early Response would be appreaciated.

Regards,
…

…
Plz reply about my letter that I wrote …*

8

I have underlined some problems. Please fix them and post your revision.

With reference to email Re: June 17, 2011, I haven’t yet not received a confirmation about my Below Request either it is updated or not.
I have still received Insurance Related Doc ( cover letter & Catch Card) from the Insurance Company. and my Name’s spelling & Identity Card Number shown as:
Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new/Renewal Card.

Your Early Response would be appreaciated.

Regards,

9

With reference to my mail June 17, 2011, I haven’t yet received a confirmation about my below request either it is updated or not.
I have still received insurance related documents ( cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company. and my name’s spelling & CNIC shown as:
Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new card.

Your early response would be appreciated.

Now check*
Sir,
kindly write letter in own words (same as above letter) …

10

I have underlined remaining problems:

With reference to my mail June 17, 2011, I haven’t yet received a confirmation about my below request either it is updated or not. I have still received insurance related documents (cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company. and my name’s spelling & CNIC shown as:

Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new card. Your early response would be appreciated.

11

With reference to my mail June 17, 2011, I haven’t yet received a confirmation about my request whether it is updated or not. I am still receiving insurance related documents (cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company. and my name’s spelling & CNIC expose as:

Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm. If the record is updated. Kindly forward my request to insurance company for necessary amendment. and issue a new card. Your early response would be appreciated.

Sir, check now*

12

Good morning. Much better, Muhammad. I have fixed the rest:

With reference to my mail of June 17, 2011, I haven’t yet received confirmation about my request to update my records. I am still receiving insurance-related documents (cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company, and my name & CNIC are still listed as:

Name: Mxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx instead of Mxxxxxxxxxxxxxd Shxxx Rxxxl.
CNIC: xxxxxxxxx instead of y-9yyyyxxxyyy

Kindly confirm whether the record has now been updated or forward my request to the insurance company for the necessary amendments and issue me a new card. Your early response would be appreciated.

13

Thanks you so much, Sir…!!!

14

Sir, above letter is 100% correct. because that letter will write to HR.

15

covering letter:
I want to email to different client for their submitting documents but that must attach covering letter of the same.
anybody help me, how i write the letter to client for sending documents along with covering…in next time.

…

16

OK, Please start by writing as if you were speaking to the client. Post your effort here and we will check it for you.

17

covering letter is the important paper that disclose the detail of attached documents and Its may reduce the capacity of time. But we are receiving the same without covering. It is informed that any dispatched/consignment would be acceptable with covering.

Kindly covering letter should be sign-off with authorised person who is dispatching these credit documents. otherwise it will return back to your office.

18

I am not sure, but maybe you mean this, Muhammad:

The cover letter is an important paper that discloses the detail of the attached documents and it saves time, but we did not receive the cover letter. We were told that any dispatch/consignment would be unacceptable without the cover letter.

Please be sure that the cover letter is signed by the person authorized to dispatch these credit documents; otherwise it will be returned to your office.

19

how i can write to request the sending documents along with cover letter… ???
please guide & or send the format for Intimating a person that sending/dispatching document that must attach cover letter.

20

You write it and we’ll check it, Muhammad.