My experience when bank robbery

Does anyone here want volunteer to check and correct my grammar mistakes? Hehe


First time in my life, I was being trapped in bank robbery. I was sixteen at that time when my father had asked me to pay the monthly bill at the bank nearby my home. I went to the bank by my motorcycle and parked in front of the bank. At first glance, I did not notice any suspicious activity occurred in the bank. I just came into the bank and took the queue number from the counting machine over the information counter. I felt slightly frustrate when seeing my queue number was too far from my turn.

While I was waiting for my turn, suddenly I felt something was wrong when there were three guys came into the bank with their face were covered by the mask. Some people were still not noticed yet, but when the guys shouted very loudly, they became shocked. These guys asked us to lie down on the floor with silence but some of us were tried to escape but failed. I did what they had asked to do, lying down on the floor over the corner of the bank, behind the information counter. One of the robbers covered the door with knife on his hand and his friend was standing beside me trying to control people over here, while the other robber was busy trying to persuade the bank officer to give some money.

I started to cry, did not know what to do anymore except for praying to god. I was being able to see outside of the bank, seeing lots of people were watching us and one of them were trying to call someone, maybe the police. But, it was too late when the guys had finished their job, went outside the bank and ran away by the van that had been being waiting for them since they came into the back. People became calm, but I was slightly unsatisfied because of failure of police to come early to catch those robbers.

For the first time in my life, I was trapped in a bank robbery. I was sixteen at that time and my father had asked me to pay the monthly bill at the bank near my home. I went to the bank on my motorcycle and parked in front of the bank. At first glance, I did not notice any suspicious activity occurring there. I just went into the bank and took the queue number from the counting machine over the information counter. I felt slightly frustrated upon seeing my queue number was too far from my turn the amount of numbers in the queue ahead of me.

While I was waiting for my turn, I felt something was wrong when suddenly three guys came into the bank with their faces covered by masks. Some people had still not noticed, but when the guys shouted very loudly, the customers were shocked. These guys asked us to lie down on the floor in silence but people tried to escape. However, they failed to get out. I did what the robbers had asked us to do, lying down on the floor in the corner of the bank, behind the information counter. One of the robbers who was holding a knife covered the door and his friend stood beside me trying to control people near us, while the other robber was busy trying to persuade the bank clerk to give them some money.

I started to cry. I did not know what to do any more except pray to God. I was able to see outside the bank. Lots of people were watching us and one of them was trying to call someone, maybe the police, but it was too late as the guys had finished their job, so they went outside and got away in the van that had been being waiting for them since they came into the bank. People became calm, but I was slightly unsatisfied frustrated because of the failure of the police to come early enough to catch those robbers.

Many thanks to you. I will take this opportunity to improve my English :smiley:

I don’t understand the sentence in bold.

Should it be

Lots of people were watching us and one of them was trying to call someone, maybe the police, but it was too late as the guys had finished their job, so they went outside and got away in the van that had been being waiting for them since they came [color=green]had come into the bank.

Thanks

You are right that ‘being’ is wrong. I missed putting a ‘strikethrough’ through it during editing. (Editing a long string of text using the bulletin board code is not easy, and mistakes like that happen, especially with sentences that strictly speaking are over-long anyway.)

‘had come’ continues the tense, but ‘came’ is natural enough there.

Okey, noted.