My 30 minutes Essay

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

Essay: Do you agree that Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life?
Response:
I do believe that childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. Many reasons support my point of view.

On one hand, when I was a child I could play as much as I liked, no limited time.My parents bought to me many games such as puzzles, electrical car I watch TV all the day, I saw many cartoons programs.They taked me to visit many natural places in a famous region in Tunisia called Bizerte such as mountains, I even memorize the name of the mountain we visited often “Ichkel mountain”, beautiful beaches, places witha lot of rocks.They represent really wonderful sights which are burned in my mind for ever.

On the other hand, I have no responsabilty when I was a child.Almost everything is raedy for me, I didn’t have to prepare anything.Furthermore everything what I needed, my parents realized it instantly for me. For example they bought to me a very chic outfit to play football for the first time in my school.I even remeber the brand whiwh is Fantasia.

More over they take care of me, they were always whith me, they also teached in order to have good marks in any subject and to enlarge my sphere of knowledge. Besides they encourage me by using a system of compensation that means when I get a full mark at any subject at any time I had the right to have choclate “Kinder surprise”.

In addition when I was child I traveled with my parents many times by train, and this mean of transport I like it until now because I have loved so much its noise and the wonderful sights it can provide over the window.In fact many memorable natural places and extraordinory historical places.

As a consequence It appears for me now that the childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life.

This is a 30minutes essay without editing taken from my software of Cambridge(Toefl prep)

I hope that you rate me
Can I post my next essay in this thread?
I’m going to take the toefl test in October, any advice to ameliorate quickly and to get the higher score possible.
N.B: English is my third language.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and her student

2

Essay: Do you agree that childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life?
Response:
I do believe that childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. Many reasons support my point of view.

On one hand, when I was a child I could play as much as I liked, WITH NO TIME LIMITATION.My parents bought to me many games such as puzzles AND electrical carS. I watchED TV all the day LONG WHERE I saw many cartoons programs.They taked TOOK me to visit many natural places in a famous region in Tunisia. called Bizerte such as WE VISITED THE mountains IN BIZERTE AND I even memorizeD the name of the mountain we visited; “Ichkel mountain”. THERE WERE beautiful beaches, AND places with lotS of rocks.They presentED really wonderful sights which are burned in my mind for ever.

On the other hand, I have HAD no responsIbilty when I was a child.Almost everything is raedy WAS MADE READY for me, I didn’t have to prepare anything.Furthermore everything what I needed, my parents realized it instantly BOUGHT for me. For example they bought to me a very chic outfit to play football for the first time in my school.I even remeMber the brand; whiwh Fantasia.

Moreover they TOOK care of me, they were always whith WITH me(.) They also teachedTAUGHT ME in order to have good marks in any subject and to enlarge my sphere of knowledge. Besides they encourageD me by using a system of compensation(.) that means WhenEVER I get GOT a full mark at IN any subject at any time(,) I had the right to have chocOlate, “Kinder surprise”.

In addition when I was child I travelLed with my parents many times by train, and this meanS of transport I STILL like it until now because I have loved so much its noise and the wonderful sights it can provide over OUT OF the window.In fact many memorable natural places and extraordinAry historical places.

As a consequence it appears TO me now that ONES childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life.
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Good morning Aydibilel. Quite frankly I think you are being premature in taking the exam next month. Your composition is little better than childish. Your spelling is poor, as is your punctuation. Unless you are very good in the other three segments of the exam, than you are wasting the exam fee.

To be a little more positive; If you were to submit ONE essay every day that is your VERY BEST work, AND you review the edited version of your work and learn from it, then you may show enough improvement to get through.

Please give my comments your serious consideration.

Kitos. 6/10

3

Essay: What famous place would you like to visit? use details and reasons to support your response
Response:

The famous place that I would like to visit is really Djerba, one of the most
known islands in the mediterrenian.I do love Djerba.Many reasons support my point of
view.

First of all, Djerba is very quite and peaceful that’s why any one from all over the
world want to visit.In fact every year a lot of tourists from numerous nations are there
spending their holiday quietely in such an mazing place.

Second,Djerba is one of the most beautiful islands in the mediterrenian.In fact its beaches
are wonderful and the weather is so perfect, and that allows us to provide an exclusive sunbathing.Moreover it reminds me of my childhood, when I was young I had been always on te beach admiring not only the sea and the sun together but also the horizon, particularly in the sunset, and the sounds from the waves.

Third, Djerba has many means of entertainment, many luxurious and international hotels and many residences that make it so comfortable.In addition the buildings there represent a mixture between tradition and modernity which attract the vision of any guest or visitor and that creates a kind of impact in his mind.

It appears now Djerba elucidate an amalgam of unique characteristics, thus the famous place that every one should visit it ans especially me, is without any doubt or much time of thinking is simply Djerba.

I really take your comment in serious consideration.
I’m a Little bit obliged to take the exam on October 30 to have a chance to do an application earlier and to access to the university in next January, I have to get 80/120, otherwise I’ll have the first few months of 2011 for preparation and to re take it and to do the application for august 2011.
As always it’s a 30minutes-essay but it contains ONLY 227 words, here I can do more but in unlimited time, I’d like that you rate it and correct it.
I’ll try to submit every day an essay as you said.
I wish you all the best.

4

Essay: What famous place would you like to visit? use details and reasons to support your response
Response:

The famous place that I would /like/CHOOSE/ to visit is really Djerba, one of the most WELL known islands in the Mediterrenian. I do love Djerba. Many reasons support my point of view.

First of all, Djerba is very quite QUIET and peaceful(.) That IS why /anyone/PEOPLE/ from all over the world want to visit. In fact Every year a lot of tourists from numerous nations are there(,)spending their holiday quietely QUIETLY in such an Amazing place.

Second, Djerba is one of the most beautiful islands in the Mediterrenian. In fact Its beaches are wonderful(,) and the weather is so perfect, and that allows us to provide an ENJOY exclusive sunbathing. Moreover it reminds me of my childhood(.) When I was young I had been WAS always on tHe beach admiring not only the sea and the sun together(,) but also the horizon, particularly in the AT sunset, and the SOOTHING RHYTHMIC sounds OF the waves.

Third, Djerba has many means FORMS of entertainment, many luxurious, international hotels, and many residences that make it so comfortable. In addition the buildings there represent a mixture between traditional and MODERN which attract the ATTENTION of any guest or visitor, and that creates a kind of AN impact in his mind.

It appears THAT Djerba elucidateS an amalgam of unique characteristics(.) thus the famous IT IS SUCH A BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL place that every one should visit it.

Good morning Aydibilel. This was an improvement. Try to correct your punctuation at the same time as you improve your writing.

Please post each essay as a “New Topic” and not as a continuation of a previous one.

Kitos. 7.5/10