My 2nd TOEFL essay

B9530010 · March 20, 2012, 3:37am

Hi, everyone.
These days I have studied TOEFL so hard and hope that works.
I also tried to shorten my writing time.
The following article is my new essay.

The Topic is “Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with the advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Which kind of friend do you prefer for yourself? Why?”

Thanks for reading my article and I really appreciate all the help from you!!

   Friends are of paramount importance to our lives because we are usually affected, companied, and supported by them almost every day.  However, probably few of us have ever stopped to think about what kind of friends we want to make. In general, friends who are different from us can expand our outlook and bring new ideas to us, while friends who are similar to us usually know our tempers better and are easier to get along with. Basically, I prefer to have many kinds of friends, which means I love having friends differing from me and also friends resembling me.

  Specifically, having friends who are different from us enable us to expand our views in different ways. First of all, some of them have some distinct experiences from us so we can learn about those we hardly recognize before and that surely illuminates our lives even just listening to them talk about those stories. Secondly, those friends usually have different characteristics so they often behave differently when they face the similar situations to ours, which might be change our ways of thinking or acting, too. For example, if we have friends from different culture, we may understand the values of their culture better though getting along with them and even more we might take those values as our personal qualities.

  On the other hand, having friends who are similar to us is beneficial, too. The reasons are not only that we can share and discus the same hobbits but also that we will feel understood when we get depressed. The other significant reason we should have friends resembling us is that it is really hard to find someone who is extremely similar to us so we should cherish this kind of relationships.

Therefore, I, personally, like to experience new things and take some adventures, thus making friends with those who are different from me often but I also love to have friends who are similar to me because they always make me feel like home. After all, every kind of friends will be somehow good for us in some way.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at the library

Luschen · March 20, 2012, 8:13pm

Hi, I enjoyed your essay. You have very few grammatical errors, but a few of your sentences sound a little stilted. I tried to give some suggestions where I could. Still your organization is quite good and so is your writing in general. I would rate this essay a 4 out of 5.

B9530010:

Hi, everyone.
These days I have studied TOEFL so hard and hope that works.
I also tried to shorten my writing time.
The following article is my new essay.

The Topic is “Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with the advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Which kind of friend do you prefer for yourself? Why?”

Thanks for reading my article and I really appreciate all the help from you!!
   Friends are of paramount importance to our lives because we are usually affected, [ac]companied, and supported by them almost every day.  However, probably few of us have ever stopped to think about what kind of friends we want to make. In general, friends who are different from us can expand our outlook and bring [us] {sounds better here} new ideas [s]to us[/s], while friends who are similar to us usually know our temper[ments]s better and are easier to get along with. Basically, {I would leave out basically} I prefer to have many kinds of friends, which means I love having friends differing from me and also friends resembling me.

  Specifically, having friends who are different from us enable[s ] us to expand our views in different ways. First of all, some of them have some [s]distinct[/s] experiences [distinct] from us so we can learn about those we [would] hardly recognize before and that surely illuminates our lives even just listening to them talk about those stories.{this sentence is a little unclear - maybe split it up into two smaller ones} Secondly, those friends usually have different characteristics so they often behave differently when they face [s]the similar[/s] situations [similar] to ours, which might [s]be[/s] change our ways of thinking or acting, too. For example, if we have friends from different culture[s ], we may understand the values of their culture better though getting along with them and [s]even[/s]{"whats" sounds better here} more{comma} we might take those values as our [own][s]personal qualities.[/s]{a value isn't really a quality}

  On the other hand, having friends who are similar to us is beneficial, too. The reasons are{"One reason is"} not only that we can share and discus the same hobbits{pretty funny, but you mean hobbies, although "interests" is better}} but also that we will feel understood when we get depressed. The other significant reason we should have friends resembling us is that it is really hard to find someone who is extremely similar to us so we should cherish th[ese] kind of relationships.
Therefore, I,{no comma} personally,{no comma} like to experience new things and take some adventures, thus making friends with those who are different from me often {new sentence} but[At the same time,] I also love to have friends who are similar to me because they always make me feel like home. After all, every kind of friends will be somehow good for us in some way.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at the library

B9530010 · March 21, 2012, 2:20am

Hi, Luschen, thanks for your help!!
And I change some of my sentences could you review them again?
Thank you so much.

Friends are of paramount importance to our lives because we are usually affected, accompanied, and supported by them almost every day. However, probably few of us have ever stopped to think about what kind of friends we want to make. In general, friends who are different from us can expand our outlook and bring us new ideas, while friends who are similar to us usually know our temperments better and are easier to get along with. From my point of view, I prefer to have many kinds of friends, which means I love having friends differing from me and also friends resembling me.

Specifically, having friends who are different from us enables us to expand our views in different ways. First of all, some of them have some experiences distinct from us so we can learn about those we would hardly recognize before. Listening to their stories usually illuminates our lives even we do not actually have those experiences. Secondly, those friends usually have different characteristics so they often behave differently when they face situations similar to ours, which might change our ways of thinking or acting, too. For example, if we have friends from different cultures, we may understand the values of their culture better though getting along with them and whats more, we might take those values as our own acting principles.

On the other hand, having friends who are similar to us is beneficial, too. One reason is not only that we can share and discus the same interests [“hobbits” is a really funny error, hahaha ] but also that we will feel understood when we get depressed. The other significant reason we should have friends resembling us is that it is really hard to find someone who is extremely similar to us so we should cherish these kinds of relationships.

Therefore, I personally like to experience different things, thus making friends with those who are different from me often but At the same time, I also love to have friends who are similar to me because they always make me feel like home. After all, every kind of friends will be somehow good for us in some way.

Luschen · March 21, 2012, 2:41am

I like your new sentences better, although I was still able to come up with a few suggestions!

B9530010:

Hi, Luschen, thanks for your help!!
And I change some of my sentences could you review them again?
Thank you so much.

Friends are of paramount importance to our lives because we are usually affected, accompanied, and supported by them almost every day. However, probably few of us have ever stopped to think about what kind of friends we want to make. In general, friends who are different from us can expand our outlook and bring us new ideas, while friends who are similar to us usually know our temperments better and are easier to get along with. From my point of view, I prefer to have many kinds of friends, which means I love having friends differing from me and also friends resembling me.

Specifically, having friends who are different from us enables us to expand our views in different ways. First of all, some of them have some experiences distinct from us [ours] so we can learn about those [whom] we would [have] hardly recognize[d ] before. Listening to their stories usually{“often” sounds better here to me} illuminates our lives even [when] we do not actually have{“share” would be better here} those experiences. Secondly, those friends usually have different characteristics so they often behave differently when they face situations similar to ours, which might change our ways of thinking or acting, too. For example, if we have friends from different cultures, we may understand the values of their culture better though getting along with them and whats[what is] more, we might take those values as our own acting[life] principles.{“acting principles” is not really an English term -maybe principles of action, but that is still a little odd}

On the other hand, having friends who are similar to us is beneficial, too. One reason is not only that we can share and discus the same interests [“hobbits” is a really funny error, hahaha ] but also that we will feel understood when we get depressed. The other significant reason we should have friends resembling us is that it is really hard to find someone who is extremely similar to us so we should cherish these kinds of relationships.

Therefore, I personally like to experience different things, thus [often] making friends with those who are different from me often but At{no caps} the same time, I also love to have friends who are similar to me because they always make me feel like home. After all, every kind of friends will be somehow good for us in some way.

B9530010 · March 22, 2012, 9:03am

Thanks for your advice, Luschen!!
These sentence become clearer even to me after you fixed them.