More and more people are relying on the private car

[Trangpg]

Hi Luschen, could you please check my IELTS essay? Thank you very much.
I’ve learnt a lot from you.
Topic: More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of problems over reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

In recent years, we have seen the proliferation of the private vehicles on the road. This trend might lead to a great deal of environmental as well as financial problems. In this essay, I will further discuss these two main consequences and point out some suggestions to avoid this phenomenon.

Instead of using public transportation, people seem to overuse their own cars, resulting in two obvious consequences. Firstly, the car emission is one of the major factors damaging our environment. In fact, such exhaust fumes as carbon dioxide and sulfur dioxide which are emitted from a lot of cars may cause global warming, natural disasters and especially human’s illness. People will suffer from plenty of dangerous diseases such as bronchitis, asthma and lung cancer. Unfortunately, some of them cannot be cured. Another problem that should be taken into account is financial burden. Heavily scrutinizing the new source of fossil fuels is likely to be the fastest yet expensive way to provide energy for cars’ engine when natural resource is running out day by day. Nevertheless, the government should allocate their budget for education or technology instead of trying to fill human’s “fuel pond”.

However, there are many ways to diminish these negative effects. First, the government should impose the tax on every driver. For example, we can enforce the drivers to pay a large amount of money when they buy other cars or use over the fuel quota. Second, we should invest money to find other kinds of energy such as solar, wind and water energy which are much cheaper and cleaner. Finally, promoting green campaigns appears to be an effective way to raise people’s awareness.

In conclusion, overreliance on cars can cause many serious problems, yet heavy tax, new kinds of energy and campaigns can avoid this trend.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor on the possibility of life on Mars

[Luschen]

Hi Trang, I thought you did a very good job with this one. You have very few errors in this essay, really just a few odd sounding phrases. Your introduction was a little dull though and the ending of your first body paragraph was a little confusing to me - mainly because I don’t know what you mean by scrutinize. Still, overall, I would rate this a band 7.

@Trangpg

Hi Luschen, could you please check my IELTS essay? Thank you very much.
I’ve learnt a lot from you.
Topic: More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of problems over reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

In recent years, we have seen the proliferation of the private vehicles on the road. This trend might lead to a great deal of environmental as well as financial problems. In this essay, I will further discuss these two main consequences and point out some suggestions to avoid this phenomenon. {this intro is ok, but not very creative}

Instead of using public transportation, people seem to overuse their own cars, resulting in two obvious consequences. Firstly, the car emission is {“Firstly car emissions are” is better} one of the major factors damaging our environment. In fact, such exhaust fumes as carbon dioxide and sulfur dioxide[,] which are emitted from a lot of cars[,] may cause global warming, natural disasters and especially human’s illness. People will suffer from plenty {“plenty” sounds a little too informal here} of dangerous diseases such as bronchitis, asthma and lung cancer. Unfortunately, some of them cannot be cured. Another problem that should be taken into account is financial burden. Heavily scrutinizing {what exactly do you mean by “scrutinizing” here? a little unclear} the new source of fossil fuels is likely to be the fastest yet [most] expensive way to provide energy for cars’ engine[s] when natural resource[s are] is running out day by day. Nevertheless, the government should allocate their budget for education or technology instead of trying to fill human’s “fuel pond”. {the end of this paragraph is a little confusing to me - also “fuel pond” sounds very odd}

However, there are many ways to diminish these negative effects. First, the government should impose the[a] tax on every driver. For example, we can enforce[require] the drivers to pay a large amount of money when they buy other[new] cars or use over {“or go over the” is better}the fuel quota. Second, we should invest money to find other kinds of energy such as solar, wind and water energy which are much cheaper and cleaner. Finally, promoting green campaigns appears to be an effective way to raise people’s awareness.

In conclusion, overreliance on cars can cause many serious problems, yet heavy tax, new kinds of energy and campaigns {I would say “publicity campaigns” to be more clear} can avoid this trend.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor on the possibility of life on Mars