Money management

[P.quanghuy21]

Hi Mr. Luschen.
Happy New Year to you and I’m sorry if I bother you in your holiday. But Can you help me correct this essay?

Topic: Learning to manage money is one of the key aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money?

Personal financial management is undoubtedly a significant skill which adult must master in their maturity lives. Consequently, participating in courses, establishing budget and building several habits would be some measures that can be taken into consideration to train people to manage their money.

The first method for individuals to take is to enroll on specialized finance management courses. Such classes help educate people in the value of money which might be underrated by young generation early in their adult lives. When attending those courses, people can also achieve fundamental knowledge and valuable pieces of advice from financial specialists to make use of their income. They, therefore, are able to make a detailed plan for their spendings and get used to governing their money afterwards.

Another strategy is to set up a budget for each individual. One can start by keeping track of all the expenses in a month, including bills and receipts in order to outline the average spending money they need. This can be done by utilizing applications in smartphones which help monitor all the expenditure. Once people have data about the required amount of money, they can work out a permitted monthly allowance for themselves that must balance their income and expenses. It is also crucial to manage to live without spending excessive amount to keep the budget on track.

In addition, forming some helpful financial habits plays an essential role in expenses management. Consumers ought to draw up a list of their necessities before shopping to avoid squandering money on things that they are attracted. Furthermore, prices should always be taken into consideration when buyers make their decisions. Purchasers, therefore, are encouraged to go online shopping, since they are able to compare price of similar items on different websites to find the best bargains.

In conclusion, it is clear that several important methods could help people learn to manage their money efficiently.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does ‘monotreme’ mean?

[Luschen]

Hi P.quanghuy - Happy New Year to you too - although I guess there is still more than a month until New Year’s in Vietnam, right? Do you follow the Chinese zodiac? Hopefully the Year of the Dog is favorable! Your essay wasn’t that bad. You addressed the prompt pretty well, but I think there is some room for improvement. Here are my suggestions:

@P.quanghuy21

Hi Mr. Luschen.
Happy New Year to you and I’m sorry if I bother you in your holiday. But Can you help me correct this essay?

Topic: Learning to manage money is one of the key aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money?

Personal financial management is undoubtedly a significant skill[,] which [adults] must master in their maturity {“maturity” is a noun, not an adjective - though “mature lives” here would sound a bit odd, maybe “… skill, one that is crucial/essential to becoming a mature, successful citizen.”} lives. Consequently, participating in courses, establishing [a ]budget and building several [valuable/constructive/effective] habits would be some measures that can {it should be “habits would be … that could” or “habits are … that can”} be taken into consideration to train people to manage their money.

The first method for individuals to take {you don’t really “take a method” - maybe “pursue” or “choose”} is to enroll [in] specialized finance management courses. Such classes help educate people in the value of money[,] which might be underrated by [the] young generation early in their adult lives. When {“Through” seems better here} attending those courses, people can also achieve fundamental knowledge {“achieve knowledge” sounds pretty odd - maybe “gather/collect/obtain”} and [obtain/pick up/garner] valuable pieces of advice from financial specialists to make [optimal] use of their income. They, therefore, are {this present tense isn’t that effective, because you want to stress a future benefit as a result of the present action - you tried to do this with the “afterwards”, but it sounds a little unnatural} able to make a detailed plan for their [spending] and get used to governing their money {“governing” sounds pretty odd in this context} afterwards.

Another strategy is to set up a budget for each individual. {this makes it sound like someone else, maybe the government, is setting up these budgets, but I think you mean that each individual should work to set up his or her own budge} One can start by keeping track of all the expenses in a month, including bills and receipts[,] in order to outline the average spending money they {I would not switch from “one” to “they” like this - you could just say “to outline the pending money necessary”} need. This can be done by utilizing applications in smartphones which help monitor all the [expenditures]. Once people have data about the required amount of money, they can {“one can”, “this can”, “they can” sounds a bit repetitive - try to mix up your sentence structures more} work out a permitted monthly allowance for themselves that must {“that will successfully balance” seems more positive, which is what you are trying to stress here} balance their income and expenses. It is also crucial to manage to live without spending [an] excessive amount to keep the budget on track.

In addition, forming some helpful financial habits plays an essential role in expenses management. Consumers ought to draw up a list of their necessities before shopping to avoid squandering {thanks for using my suggestion! but seriously, this is a great word for this situation} money on things {try to avoid using “things” - be more specific and expressive. Here you could say “frivolities” or “baubles”} that [attract them] they are attracted. Furthermore, prices should always be taken into consideration when buyers make their decisions. Purchasers, {good job of using consumers/buyers/purchasers to avoid repetition - “shoppers” is another possibility} therefore, are encouraged to go online shopping, since [in this manner] they are able to compare [the] price[s ] of similar items on different websites to find the best bargains.

In conclusion, it is clear that several important methods could help people learn to manage their money efficiently.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does ‘monotreme’ mean?

[P.quanghuy21]

Thank you so much. And yes, there’s still more than a month until our Lunar New Year and almost all Vietnamese follow kind of zodiac, but our signs are slightly different from Chinese’s