Many people think that children should spend more time with their friends rather than sharing housework with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

kelvincumberbatch · September 11, 2018, 8:38am

Dear Teacher,

Please help me with revising this essay for IELTS task 2.

There are a host of conflicting opinions about whether children should help their parent’s chores. Some people say that children should set aside more time for playing with their friends and studying. However, for several reasons, I strongly believe that children should help their parents with household tasks.

Firstly, Every child should be responsible for doing domestic tasks, doing chores when being a child help them have better preparations when becoming adults. For example when I was a primary-school student, my parents taught me how to make breakfast in the morning. So, I got up, went to the kitchen and prepared a couple of milk for breakfast. It was easy and I enjoyed doing it because I liked the way my parents thanked me and I felt that they were proud of me. Also, my mom always wanted me to know how to cook. Thanks to the learning, whenever my mom is not at home, I can handle all household tasks by myself.

Secondly, performing household tasks teaches me an invaluable lesson about being respectful the job of people who did it. For instance, when I was a child, i did not imagine that cleaning house could be taking time and energy consuming. Since I began to do some of the household tasks by myself , I have begun to respect the job of others and tried to collect all stuff after I use.

In conclusion, whereas many people strongly argue that youngster should spend time on social activities like hanging with friends, taking a stroll with mates. I completely believe that children should help their mom and dad with household tasks. Doing household chores helps them to grow into independent and self-confident, which is one of the most essensial personality in modern life.

Luschen · September 11, 2018, 2:20pm

Hi Kelvin, I think you did a good job with this essay. You addressed the question correctly and your format was effective for this type of prompt.
You gave some good specific and detailed examples that helped to support your arguments. Overall, your writing was pretty clear, but you did have some repetitive phrases and some awkward sounding sentences.
Here are some specific suggestions:

kelvincumberbatch:

There are a host of conflicting opinions about whether children should help their [parents by doing] chores. Some people say that children should set aside more time for playing with their friends and studying.{the prompt you included says nothing about studying - make sure you don’t introduce extra specifics that are not part of the prompt} However, for several reasons, I strongly believe that children should help their parents with household tasks.

Firstly, [every] child should be responsible for doing domestic tasks[, because] doing chores ~~when being~~ [as] a child [helps] them have better preparations when becoming adults. {better to say “… helps them to be better prepared for adulthood” } For example[,] when I was a primary-school student, my parents taught me how to make breakfast in the morning. So [each day], I got up, went to the kitchen and prepared a couple of milk {do you mean “cup of milk”? Not much of a breakfast } for breakfast. It was easy and I enjoyed doing it because I liked the way my parents thanked me and I felt that they were proud of me. Also, my mom always wanted me to know how to cook. {changing your breakfast choice to something you actually had to cook would improve this example - maybe say you cooked bánh mì or xôi - even if you didn’t, you are allowed to stretch the truth in these essays to make a point!} Thanks to [this lesson], whenever my mom is not at home, I can handle all household tasks by myself.

Secondly, performing household tasks {this is repetitive of the sentence immediately before - maybe “Secondly, helping my parents with various chores around the house …”} teaches me an invaluable lesson about being respectful [of each and every job as well as the people who perform it] ~~the job of people who did it.~~ For instance, when I was a child, i did not imagine that cleaning [a ] house could [consume so much time and energy] ~~be taking time and energy consuming~~. Since I began to do some of the household tasks by myself , I have begun to respect the job of others and tried to collect all stuff after I use. {this sounds like a little awkward - maybe “and clean up after myself as much as possible.”}

In conclusion, whereas many people strongly argue that [youngsters] should spend time on social activities like hanging [out] with friends [or] taking a stroll with [their] mates. I completely believe that children should help their mom and dad with household tasks. Doing household chores helps them to grow into independent and self-confident [adults], which is one of the most [essential] personality [traits] in modern life.

kelvincumberbatch · September 13, 2018, 3:02am

Dear teacher,
Thank you very much.