HELLO, CAN YOU CORRECT MY ESSAY AND RATE IT OUT OF 9?
The increasing amount of violence in films has been a cause of concern for many people. Such films usually appear exciting, entertaining and even something to be copied. However, it is undeniable that these films can cause serious problems in our society.
First of all, violent features that are glorified in films can have a detrimental impact on a person’s behaviour, especially children and teenagers. Excessive exposure to violent scenes in films can cause a person to be more aggressive, lose his sense of reality and have no sympathy with the victims. Another worrying fact is that in these films, the heroes are usually seen as admirable, even though they are very violent characters. This leads some people to be under the impression that they can gain respect and admiration by copying those behaviours, leading to an increase in the levels of violence. More seriously, the violent features in films are usually associated with social crime. Therefore, it is likely that children who watch these films will be lured and get involved in social evils when reaching adulthood. They can become robbers, murderers, or any kind of criminals and soon end up closing their future door, suffering the isolation and hatred of society.
What is needed to combat these problems is a definite action. The government must prevent film producers from showing meaningless violence as “fun” in their films. Instead, films should emphasise more on the consequences of violence. This can be a sustainable solution as it will raise public awareness of this issue. What’s more, as children and teenagers are vulnerable and more likely to be affected by these violent films, parents should take responsibilites to ensure that their young children do not see movies without parents’ supervision.
To conclude, violence in films is currently at high levels and could create many harmful social impacts. Therefore, governments and parents should focus their attention to mitigate these problems.
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You have very strong writing skills and I would rate your essay at 7 out of 9. Please find a slightly amended version of your essay below:
The increasing amount of violence in movies is a cause of concern for many people. Such films usually seem exciting, entertaining, and even something to emulate. However, it is undeniable that these movies can cause serious problems in our society.
First of all, violent traits glorified in movies can have a harmful influence on a person’s behavior, especially in children and teenagers. Excessive exposure to violent scenes in movies can cause a person to become more aggressive, lose their sense of reality, and lack compassion for victims. Another worrisome fact is that the heroes in these movies are usually seen as admirable, even though they are very violent characters. This leads some people to feel that they can gain respect and admiration by copying these behaviors, which leads to an increase in the level of violence. More seriously, the violent traits in movies are usually associated with social crime. Therefore, children who see these movies are likely to be attracted and involved in social ills when they grow up. They may become robbers, murderers or any kind of criminals and will soon close their future door and suffer from the isolation and hatred of society.
To combat these problems, a concrete measure is needed. The government must prevent movie producers from showing senseless violence as “fun” in their movies. Instead, films should emphasize more the consequences of violence. This can be a sustainable solution, as it will raise public awareness of the issue. Since children and adolescents are particularly at risk of being affected by these violent films, parents should take responsibility and ensure that their young children do not watch films without parental supervision.
In conclusion, at present, violence in movies has reached a high level and could have many harmful social effects. Therefore, governments and parents should focus their attention on mitigating these problems.
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