Male to female ratios in university.

[Jt6112]

Hi Luschen,

Kindly evaluate this IELTS essay (the scale of 0-9) written by my brother. This is for IELTS general test.

Universities should accept an equal number of male-female students in every subject.to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Educational criteria have been changed from region to region. Many people believe that university’s admission criteria should be based on sex ratio.There should be equal number of males and females in Every subject.However, some of them criticize it and argue that admission in the university should be based only on talent. In this essay, both viewpoints are supported before the conclusion is reached.

Firstly,in today’s world female can do all the things whatever men can do. If university keeps50% seat reserved for male and female each then there will be equality. These criteria will cause same sex ratio in all domains.There will not be any difference between male and female.This will cause to develop a better society.
On the other hand, iif there are seats reserved based on sex criteria student having good grade and expertise in a particular subject will not be able to get the chance to make their career.For example, when I was a student at the time of engineering admission some seats were reserved for female students.Although my friend had achieved good marks in entrance exam he was unable to get the admission because he was male.

Additionally, As opportunities are based on sex, in future world there will be the inadequacy of quality manpower.There will not be any innovation, no new ideas For instance, in 1998 my college recruited teacher based on sex ratio.These teachers still not able to understand new content in the syllabus. They are also not able to help to their students.

To conclude, disadvantages of university admission based on sex ratio overweigh the advantages.In my opinion, admission should be based on talent, not on the basis of other criteria.

TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

[Luschen]

Hi Jt6112, your brother’s essay is clear and addresses the prompt, but to me it was not really convincing. Neither your pro or con paragraphs really does a good job of connecting gender ratios with the outcomes you state. You don’t have any huge errors,
but overall, this one did not sound very natural because of all the small mistakes.
Also, please make sure to put a space after every period and comma -
that should be an easy fix and avoid irritating the grader I think I would rate this one a band 6.

@Jt6112

Hi Luschen,

Kindly evaluate this IELTS essay (the scale of 0-9) written by my brother. This is for IELTS general test.

Universities should accept an equal number of male-female students in every subject.to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Educational criteria have been changed from region to region. {this sounds a little odd and vague to me, almost like this is an announcement, but without any details} Many people believe that [a ]university’s admission criteria should be based on sex ratio.[ That is, ]There should be [an] equal number of males and females in [ e]very subject.However, some of them {“them” here sounds like it might refer to the males and females in the previous sentence} criticize it and argue that admission in the university should be based only on talent. In this essay, both viewpoints are supported before the conclusion is reached. {This thesis seems a bit weak - also I would go ahead and give your conclusion or opinion in the thesis}

Firstly,in today’s world[, ] female[s ] can do all the things whatever {use either “all the things” or “whatever”, but don’t use both} men can do. If [a ]university keeps50% [of their] seat[s ] reserved for male[s ] and female[s ] each[,] then there will be equality. These criteria will cause {“cause” is not the best here - maybe “result in”} [the] same sex ratio in all domains.{“domains” sounds a bit odd in this context - maybe “majors” or “subjects”} There will not be any difference between male and female.This will cause to develop a better society. {it sounds like you skipped a step here - why would this necessarily lead to a better society?}
On the other hand, [if] there are seats reserved based on sex criteria[, then a] student having good grade[s ] and expertise in a particular subject [might] not be able to get the chance to make their career. {“make” sounds a bit odd here} For example, when I was a student at the time of engineering admission[,] some seats were reserved for female students.Although my friend had achieved good marks in [the] entrance exam[,] he was unable to get the admission because he was male.

Additionally, [ a]s opportunities are based on sex, in [the] future world there will be the [an] inadequacy of quality manpower.There will not be any innovation, no new ideas {this seems like quite an exaggeration to me} For instance, in 1998 my college recruited teacher[s ] based on [a] sex ratio.These teachers [were] not able to understand new content in the syllabus. They [we]re also not able to [provide] help to their students. {I think you need to explain why the set sex ratio led to these results. Was the college forced to hire unqualified applicants to fill the allotted ratios?}

To conclude, disadvantages of university admission based on sex ratio [out]weigh the advantages.In my opinion, admission should be based on talent, not on the basis of other criteria.

TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

[Jt6112]

Thanks, Luschen for your valuable feedback.

[Beeesneees]

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