Luschen,please help correct and rate my essay,thank you~~

Nowadays it’s easier to maintain health than the past?

Recently I have read a article about an research on modern people’s health which indicates that people today lives longer than those who live in half century ago. As far as I am concerned, it is easier to maintain health than the past.

To start with, more and more people are becoming aware of the significance of health and they have decided to swift their unhealthy lifestyle to a healthier one. For example, my uncle used to be a workaholic and always stay out late. It is very common for him to work for nearly fourteen hours a day and I hardly see him sleep, which is kind of unbelievable. After taking the family members’ advice, he changed his mind that work is always priority than others, no matter families and friends. What makes us satisfied is that my uncle let his body get sufficient exercise everyday and he spends nearly three hours a day in it. I am sure that my uncle is just one example of those working people who change their mind from jobs to health. There is no doubt that a man could not do anything without a healthy body.

In addition, as the health technology developed at an increasing rate, more diseases that are conceived incurable in the past has achieved great breakthrough. For instance, malaria is a kind of disease who was once considered to be incurable and huge numbers of poor people died from it. There was a period of time that people would run away when they heard someone around was exposed to this lethal disease. It is the progress of the modern health technology that helping cure these diseases to prolong ordinary people’s lives, so that is why I think it is easier to maintain health today.

More importantly, with the development of modern technology in biology area, the scientists have been able to grow the organic food, such as organic potatoes and organic bananas. These kinds of organic foods contain much more nutrients like vitamin A and C, which really help to maintain peoples’ health.

To sum up, modern people can get access to more healthy lifestyle and technology as well as more nutritious food to help them keep in better health than those in the past.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the man taking this course?

Hi Carolyn, I enjoyed your essay. You seemed to have a clear structure with convincing reasons supported by relevant examples. You do have some incorrect word choices and a few phrases that could be stated more clearly. You also used the incorrect verb tenses in some of your examples. Overall though, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.