Learning from personal experience or from somone's advice

[Trololo12]

Dear All,

I wrote another essay for TOEFL. I am especially concerned about the word choice and topic development. Could you please provide me with feedback on my essay? I look forward to hearing from you.

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.

Life experience plays a paramount role in the decision-making processes and establishes a framework for one’s entire life. The practical knowledge can come from various sources: parents, distant relatives, friends and acquaintances. Among all the sources, I definitely prefer obtaining my own life experience rather than attend to someone’s advice.

On the one hand, experiential knowledge that one accumulates on her own seems to be unique and rich of vast amounts of possibilities. For example, traveling to the remote destinations, such as Sahara desert or Iceland, or being involved in the complex project for rescuing the endangered species of animals or ethnic minorities provide one with the enormous and complex body of knowledge and skills that otherwise seems almost impossible to acquire. Likewise, attending to other people’s life experience can teach you as well. One may simply learn not from her mistakes, but from mistakes of others, reducing the risk of fault and advancing further. Not listening to advice may draw a person back in the overall development. In fact, My parents and friends occasionally give me pieces of advice that seem reasonable and cogent, and I am grateful that I followed their advice at one point.

Listening to one’s parents or friends, a person can carefully and cautiously plan their activities for the future, significantly increasing her chances for success in life. This becomes possible because your immediate family as well as close friends always want you to be better off. This reasoning is even supported by the evolutionary psychologists who claim that people who are tightly related to each other want their community to thrive as much as they do. Besides, those people are more objective and detached than you are when it the stakes are high. Yet being guided by my own gut feeling I can get an idea what is genuinely my cup of tea, what I really want to do with my life. All my inclinations, predispositions, and tendencies can guide me to the life I fit the most. Besides, people, despite being close to you, can make mistakes and be biased.

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from your relatives and friends or from you personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in order to collect knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place for herself in the universe, she should consider to get her own experience in the first place.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation about toys

[Luschen]

Hi Trololo, I think your vocabulary and word choice in this one is excellent. I am not sure about your topic development though. See my notes about other people’s personal experiences, and especially the last sentence of your first body paragraph. You also have some difficulty with “the”, which I admit is a tough and confusing aspect of English. A good rule of thumb is that when you first mention a noun, use “a”. But after that, use “the” when referring to the same noun, because now we know which particular one you are referring too, since you already mentioned it. “I saw a dog yesterday. The dog was black and white.” In the first sentence it could be any dog. In the second sentence, it is a particular dog, the dog you just mentioned.

@Trololo12

Dear All,

I wrote another essay for TOEFL. I am especially concerned about the word choice and topic development. Could you please provide me with feedback on my essay? I look forward to hearing from you.

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.

Life experience plays a paramount role in the decision-making processes and establishes a framework for one’s entire life. The practical knowledge can come from various sources: parents, distant relatives, friends and acquaintances. Among all the sources, I definitely prefer obtaining my own life experience rather than attend[ing] to someone’s advice.

On the one hand, experiential knowledge that one accumulates on her own seems to be [a ]unique and rich [source] of vast amounts of possibilities. For example, traveling to the remote destinations, such as Sahara[ D]esert or Iceland, or being involved in [a ] complex project for rescuing the endangered species of animals or ethnic minorities provide[s ] {“or” requires a singular verb} one with the enormous and complex body of knowledge and skills that otherwise seems almost impossible to acquire. Likewise, attending to other people’s life experience can teach you as well. {I think when the prompt talks about “personal experience” it means what you yourself have experienced, not second hand experiences related to you by someone else. I think that would be more like advice} One may simply learn not [only] from her mistakes, {I changed this because it seems like everyone makes mistakes} but [also] from mistakes of others, reducing the risk of fault and advancing further. Not listening to advice may draw [hold] a person back in the[ir] {to me “their” sounds much better than “his or her”, but I am afraid it is not yet standard as a singular pronoun so I would avoid it} overall development. In fact, [ m]y parents and friends occasionally give me pieces of advice that seem reasonable and cogent, and I am grateful that I followed their advice at one point. {now you have definitely switched to discussing the other side, but your topic sentence implies this whole paragraph will be about experiential knowledge}

Listening to one’s parents or friends, a person can carefully and cautiously plan [her] activities for the future, significantly increasing her chances for success in life. This becomes possible because your immediate family as well as close friends always want you to be better off. This reasoning is even supported by the evolutionary psychologists who claim that people who are tightly[closely] related to each other want their community to thrive as much as they do. Besides, those people are more objective and detached than you are when it the stakes are high. Yet being guided by my own gut feeling I can get an idea what is genuinely my cup of tea, what I really want to do with my life. All my inclinations, predispositions, and tendencies can guide me to the life I fit the most. Besides, people, despite being close to you, can make mistakes and be biased. {This paragraph constantly switches back and forth from third to second to first person. Some experts recommend avoiding second person altogether. I think it is ok, but here I would have begun with third person as you did and then switched to first person and stayed there.}

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from your relatives and friends or from you[r ] personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in order to collect knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place for herself in the universe, she should consider to get her own experience in the first place. {once again you switched from second to third person, which sounds odd - maybe:

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from your relatives and friends or from one’s own personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in collecting knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place in the universe, I urge everyone to consider getting his or her own experience in the first place. }

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation about toys

[Trololo12]

Hi Thomas,

Indeed, I have to pay closer attention to articles. Besides, I really need to write either in the first of third person, but I need to do it consistently. Also I was said that writing in the second person is considered impolite.

In regard to topic development, I think I did not support my opinion sufficiently. I focused mostly on what others can do for me provided that I primarily attend to their advice rather then listen to myself.

Thanks! I got the useful takeaways in this post. I’ll do my homework!

@Luschen

Hi Trololo, I think your vocabulary and word choice in this one is excellent. I am not sure about your topic development though. See my notes about other people’s personal experiences, and especially the last sentence of your first body paragraph. You also have some difficulty with “the”, which I admit is a tough and confusing aspect of English. A good rule of thumb is that when you first mention a noun, use “a”. But after that, use “the” when referring to the same noun, because now we know which particular one you are referring too, since you already mentioned it. “I saw a dog yesterday. The dog was black and white.” In the first sentence it could be any dog. In the second sentence, it is a particular dog, the dog you just mentioned.

@Trololo12

Dear All,

I wrote another essay for TOEFL. I am especially concerned about the word choice and topic development. Could you please provide me with feedback on my essay? I look forward to hearing from you.

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.

Life experience plays a paramount role in the decision-making processes and establishes a framework for one’s entire life. The practical knowledge can come from various sources: parents, distant relatives, friends and acquaintances. Among all the sources, I definitely prefer obtaining my own life experience rather than attend[ing] to someone’s advice.

On the one hand, experiential knowledge that one accumulates on her own seems to be [a ]unique and rich [source] of vast amounts of possibilities. For example, traveling to the remote destinations, such as Sahara[ D]esert or Iceland, or being involved in [a ] complex project for rescuing the endangered species of animals or ethnic minorities provide[s ] {“or” requires a singular verb} one with the enormous and complex body of knowledge and skills that otherwise seems almost impossible to acquire. Likewise, attending to other people’s life experience can teach you as well. {I think when the prompt talks about “personal experience” it means what you yourself have experienced, not second hand experiences related to you by someone else. I think that would be more like advice} One may simply learn not [only] from her mistakes, {I changed this because it seems like everyone makes mistakes} but [also] from mistakes of others, reducing the risk of fault and advancing further. Not listening to advice may draw [hold] a person back in the[ir] {to me “their” sounds much better than “his or her”, but I am afraid it is not yet standard as a singular pronoun so I would avoid it} overall development. In fact, [ m]y parents and friends occasionally give me pieces of advice that seem reasonable and cogent, and I am grateful that I followed their advice at one point. {now you have definitely switched to discussing the other side, but your topic sentence implies this whole paragraph will be about experiential knowledge}

Listening to one’s parents or friends, a person can carefully and cautiously plan [her] activities for the future, significantly increasing her chances for success in life. This becomes possible because your immediate family as well as close friends always want you to be better off. This reasoning is even supported by the evolutionary psychologists who claim that people who are tightly[closely] related to each other want their community to thrive as much as they do. Besides, those people are more objective and detached than you are when it the stakes are high. Yet being guided by my own gut feeling I can get an idea what is genuinely my cup of tea, what I really want to do with my life. All my inclinations, predispositions, and tendencies can guide me to the life I fit the most. Besides, people, despite being close to you, can make mistakes and be biased. {This paragraph constantly switches back and forth from third to second to first person. Some experts recommend avoiding second person altogether. I think it is ok, but here I would have begun with third person as you did and then switched to first person and stayed there.}

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from your relatives and friends or from you[r ] personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in order to collect knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place for herself in the universe, she should consider to get her own experience in the first place. {once again you switched from second to third person, which sounds odd - maybe:

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from your relatives and friends or from one’s own personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in collecting knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place in the universe, I urge everyone to consider getting his or her own experience in the first place. }

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation about toys

[Trololo12]

Thomas,

I decided to improve the essay. I see that I presented a poor case of why I prefer getting my personal experience rather than attending to someone’s advice. Here is the improved one.

-Btw, they already started using their instead of his/her in English textbooks. So, it is justifiable to use it in essays.

---

Life experience plays a paramount role in the decision-making processes and establishes a framework for one’s entire life. Practical knowledge can come from various sources: parents, distant relatives, friends and acquaintances. Among all the sources, I definitely prefer obtaining my own life experience rather than attending to someone’s advice.

On the one hand, experiential knowledge that one accumulates on their own seems to be a unique and rich source of vast amounts of possibilities. For example, traveling to remote destinations, such as Sahara Desert or Iceland, or being involved in a complex project for a couple of years while rescuing the endangered species of animals or ethnic minorities provides one with the enormous and complex body of knowledge and skills that otherwise seems almost impossible to acquire. What is more, although personal experience may be painful at times, it is through overcoming difficulties and transcending a situation one can become a truly mature and intelligent person.

On the other hand, attending to other people’s advice can teach one as well. Listening to one’s parents or friends, a person can carefully and cautiously plan their activities for the future, significantly increasing their chances for success in life. This becomes possible because one’s immediate family as well as close friends always want them to be better off. This reasoning is even supported by evolutionary psychologists who claim that people who are closely related to each other want their community to thrive as much as they do.

Nonetheless, being guided by my own gut feeling I can get an idea what is genuinely my cup of tea, what I really want to do with my life. All my inclinations, predispositions, and tendencies can guide me to the life I fit the most. What is more, people, despite being close to me, can make mistakes and be biased because of their limited life experience or outdated and distorted views on the today’s social trends.

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from one’s relatives and friends or from her personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in order to collect knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place for oneself in the universe, one should consider to get their own experience in the first place.

[Luschen]

Hi, very good! Only a few minor corrections I can recommend.

@Trololo12

Thomas,

I decided to improve the essay. I see that I presented a poor case of why I prefer getting my personal experience rather than attending to someone’s advice. Here is the improved one.

-Btw, they already started using their instead of his/her in English textbooks. So, it is justifiable to use it in essays.

---

Life experience plays a paramount role in the decision-making processes and establishes a framework for one’s entire life. Practical knowledge can come from various sources: parents, distant relatives, friends and acquaintances. Among all the sources, I definitely prefer obtaining my own life experience rather than attending to someone’s advice.

On the one hand, experiential knowledge that one accumulates on their own seems to be a unique and rich source of vast amounts of possibilities. For example, traveling to remote destinations, such as Sahara Desert or Iceland, or being involved in a complex project for a couple of years while rescuing the endangered species of animals or ethnic minorities provides one with the enormous and complex body of knowledge and skills that otherwise seems almost impossible to acquire. What is more, although personal experience may be painful at times, it is through overcoming difficulties and transcending a situation [that] one can become a truly mature and intelligent person.

On the other hand, attending to other people’s advice can teach one as well. {even though third person is good, it can sound a little repetitive hearing “one” over and over again - here it might be nice to say “can provide valuable lessons as well”} Listening to one’s parents or friends, a person can carefully and cautiously plan their activities for the future, significantly increasing their chances for success in life. This becomes possible because one’s immediate family as well as close friends always want them to be better off. This reasoning is even supported by evolutionary psychologists who claim that people who are closely related to each other want their community to thrive as much as they do.

Nonetheless, being guided by my own gut feeling[,] I can get an idea what is genuinely my cup of tea, what I really want to do with my life. All my inclinations, predispositions, and tendencies can guide me to the life I fit the most. What is more, people, despite being close to me, can make mistakes and be biased because of their limited life experience or outdated and distorted views on the today’s social trends. {or “on the social trends of today”}

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from one’s relatives and friends or from her personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in order to collect knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place for oneself in the universe, one should consider [getting] their own experience in the first place.

[Trololo12]

Thomas, thank you for your assitance. Well noted I’ll keep on practicing.

@Luschen

Hi, very good! Only a few minor corrections I can recommend.

@Trololo12

Thomas,

I decided to improve the essay. I see that I presented a poor case of why I prefer getting my personal experience rather than attending to someone’s advice. Here is the improved one.

-Btw, they already started using their instead of his/her in English textbooks. So, it is justifiable to use it in essays.

---

Life experience plays a paramount role in the decision-making processes and establishes a framework for one’s entire life. Practical knowledge can come from various sources: parents, distant relatives, friends and acquaintances. Among all the sources, I definitely prefer obtaining my own life experience rather than attending to someone’s advice.

On the one hand, experiential knowledge that one accumulates on their own seems to be a unique and rich source of vast amounts of possibilities. For example, traveling to remote destinations, such as Sahara Desert or Iceland, or being involved in a complex project for a couple of years while rescuing the endangered species of animals or ethnic minorities provides one with the enormous and complex body of knowledge and skills that otherwise seems almost impossible to acquire. What is more, although personal experience may be painful at times, it is through overcoming difficulties and transcending a situation [that] one can become a truly mature and intelligent person.

On the other hand, attending to other people’s advice can teach one as well. {even though third person is good, it can sound a little repetitive hearing “one” over and over again - here it might be nice to say “can provide valuable lessons as well”} Listening to one’s parents or friends, a person can carefully and cautiously plan their activities for the future, significantly increasing their chances for success in life. This becomes possible because one’s immediate family as well as close friends always want them to be better off. This reasoning is even supported by evolutionary psychologists who claim that people who are closely related to each other want their community to thrive as much as they do.

Nonetheless, being guided by my own gut feeling[,] I can get an idea what is genuinely my cup of tea, what I really want to do with my life. All my inclinations, predispositions, and tendencies can guide me to the life I fit the most. What is more, people, despite being close to me, can make mistakes and be biased because of their limited life experience or outdated and distorted views on the today’s social trends. {or “on the social trends of today”}

Overall, it is true that life experience, whether it comes from one’s relatives and friends or from her personal life, is an invaluable and important aspect in order to collect knowledge about life. Yet to be independent and find a proper place for oneself in the universe, one should consider [getting] their own experience in the first place.