Kindly rate this for IELTS band

[Vinoth.prog]

Q11. Your local museum has asked for feedback on your recent visit.
Write to the museum. In your letter
* Tell them what you liked and what you didn’t like
* Make some suggestions for improvement
* Describe some other exhibits you would like to see

Dear Sir/Madam,
In response to your requisition for my feedback on my recent visit to your museum, I would like to share my experience with you.
I was very impressed with the your lecture events from Dr.Kane, who walked us through the pre-historic period by giving vivid examples and narating the story around
the artefacts that were on display. However, the disappointing factor was that this event is held only once a week.
It would be nice if they conducted this event more than once a week, may be two times. As this event is free and entertaining, you can expect more people visiting the museum.
So I suggest you can also improve the management of tour groups for the lecture, like limiting the number of people per session.
I would also like to see few more old hunting weapons on display since they were not for public display yet.

I'm looking forward to my next visit.

Thanks & regards,
XXX

[Luschen]

Hi Vinoth, this one sounded pretty natural for the most part, apart from a coupld awkward phrases. It might still make it up to band 7 I think.

@Vinoth.prog

Q11. Your local museum has asked for feedback on your recent visit.
Write to the museum. In your letter
* Tell them what you liked and what you didn’t like
* Make some suggestions for improvement
* Describe some other exhibits you would like to see

Dear Sir/Madam,
In response to your requisition [request] for my feedback on my recent visit to your museum, I would like to share my experience with you.
I was very impressed with the your lecture events from Dr.Kane, who walked us through the pre-historic period by giving vivid examples and narating the story around
the artefacts that were on display. However, the disappointing factor was that this event is held only once a week.
It would be nice if they conducted this event more than once a week, [maybe] two times. {“maybe twice weekly” sounds a little more polished} As this event is free and entertaining, you can expect [it to entice] more people visiting [to visit] the museum.
So[Furthermore,] I suggest you can also improve the management of tour groups for the lecture, like limiting the number of people per session.
I would also like to see [a ]few more old hunting weapons on display since they were not for public display yet. {this is a bit confusing - you say you want to see more, so some were obviously already on display - it is unclear exactly what weapons “they” refers to.}

I'm looking forward to my next visit.

Thanks & regards,
XXX

[Luschen]

Hi Vinoth, this one sounded pretty natural for the most part, apart from a couple awkward phrases. It might still make it up to band 7 I think.

@Vinoth.prog

Q11. Your local museum has asked for feedback on your recent visit.
Write to the museum. In your letter
* Tell them what you liked and what you didn’t like
* Make some suggestions for improvement
* Describe some other exhibits you would like to see

Dear Sir/Madam,
In response to your requisition [request] for my feedback on my recent visit to your museum, I would like to share my experience with you.
I was very impressed with the your lecture events from Dr.Kane, who walked us through the pre-historic period by giving vivid examples and narating the story around
the artefacts that were on display. However, the disappointing factor was that this event is held only once a week.
It would be nice if they conducted this event more than once a week, [maybe] two times. {“maybe twice weekly” sounds a little more polished} As this event is free and entertaining, you can expect [it to entice] more people visiting [to visit] the museum.
So[Furthermore,] I suggest you can also improve the management of tour groups for the lecture, like limiting the number of people per session.
I would also like to see [a ]few more old hunting weapons on display since they were not for public display yet. {this is a bit confusing - you say you want to see more, so some were obviously already on display - it is unclear exactly what weapons “they” refers to.}

I'm looking forward to my next visit.

Thanks & regards,
XXX