Kindly rate this for IELTS band

Q3. You are temporarily moving to a new city for your job. You will be there for three months, and you would like to rent some accommodation for your stay.
Write to an accommodation rental office. In your letter
* Tell them how long you are staying
* Describe the type of accommodation you would like
* Explain what facilities you will need nearby

Dear Sir/Madam,
I’m hereby writing to enquire about the 1BHK/studio available at your place for rent as advertised in “Times Now” newspaper on 25th May.
I’m planning to move on July 1st and stay till Sept 30th in Mysore due to my change in role at work. During this 3 month’s period, I was hoping to find a place to stay which is close by to my office as well as
some commercial shops like groceries and that’s when I came across your ad. I see that this place of yours is very convenient and appealing to me as you provide monthly rental options for 1BHK and studio.
I was hoping if you can provide me with additional details about the said accommodation for rent. Also, can you please provide me with your available time so we can schedule
a tour and if possible finalise on the agreement. Please let me know what other details you would need from me for smooth processing.

Looking forward to your positive response.

Thanks & regards,
XXX

Hi, I think your answer is pretty good, though perhaps you can spend a few more sentences stating what facilities you will need nearby. Here are some other suggestions: