Junk food- advantages and disadvantages,

[Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe]

Hi Luschen,

Can you please evaluate my essay. (Please rate my essay between IELTS band 0 to 9).

Nowadays, more people would rather purchase food than cook at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

More and more people prefer to purchase readymade food rather than to cook food at home. This essay will first suggest that purchasing food helps them to save their time and money, also,
due to bad nourishment because of junk food, there is a severe impact on the body and that invites many health-related problems, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Readymade food is available at a cheap rate and in fact, many times tempting offers on food lure the customers in addition to it being tasty and different from home food. As fast food is available readily, it saves time and efforts to cook food at home. For example, today’s young generation prefer to buy Burger from Mc Donald’s or Pizza from Domino’s because of their attractive offers and unique taste and it also saves time to cook food on their own.

Despite these benefits, fast food is not healthy and does not contain required nourishing elements for the body. Because of a lack of proteins and carbohydrates, there is a severe impact on the body and people who can consume that food on a daily basis has an impact on health leading to diabetes and heart diseases, There can be liver related problems, high blood pressure and cholesterol levels, bone and joint problems, shortness of breath that makes exercise, sports or any physical activity is difficult.

To conclude, although readymade food has better taste and it saves time and money, due to a lack of nourishing factors it affects health badly and resultantly, there can be an invitation for many health-related problems.

[Luschen]

Hi Deepak, your writing here is good, but I think it is important not to assume that “food purchased outside the home” is the same as “junk food”. There are many health-oriented restaurants, including vegetarian restaurants, even “raw food” restaurants. Nothing in the prompt mentions fast food, so if this is the prompt you are working from, you may not be exactly on target here.
Plus, I find that eating at home is actually usually cheaper than buying food from a restaurant. I can make a simple meal of chicken and rice or spaghetti much more cheaply than buying them at a restaurant. If I were writing this essay, I would probably give the benefits as convenience and being able to try a variety of different foods. I don’t really know how to cook Vietnamese or Indian food, so if I am in the mood for pho or chicken vindaloo, I would probably go to a restaurant. The negatives for me are the higher cost, as well as the unhealthy aspects. Even though some healthy options are out there, most restaurant food is focused on taste, not nutrition. Plus large portion sizes can encourage overeating. Your writing is clear here, but there did seem to be a lot of repetition in your first body paragraph and there were some odd phrases here and there. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe

More and more people prefer to purchase [ready-made] food rather than to cook food at home. This essay will first suggest that purchasing food helps them to save their time and money[. Also,]
due to bad nourishment because of junk food [provides], there is a severe impact on the body and that invites many health-related problems, followed by a reasoned conclusion. {this thesis statement sounds very awkward and stilted. Better just to say something like “Though it is true that purchasing food provides tangible benefits, including savings in both time and money, the poor nourishment junk food provides can invite many health-related problems.” }

[Ready-made] food is available at a cheap rate {“rate” sounds odd in this context - it is usually used in prices for services} and in fact, many times tempting offers on food lure the customers in addition to it being tasty and different from home [cooked] food. As fast food is available readily, it saves time and [effort compared to cooking] food at home. For example, today’s young generation prefer to buy [burgers] from Mc Donald’s or [pizza] from Domino’s because of their attractive offers and unique taste and it also saves time [otherwise spent cooking] food on their own. {this last sentence seems too repetitive of your previous ones in this paragraph. Also, this paragraph is supposed to focus on the advantages, but you keep bringing up the advertising, which is not really an advantage.}

Despite these benefits, fast food is not [usually] healthy and does not contain required nourishing elements for the body. Because of a lack of proteins and carbohydrates, there is a severe impact on the body and people who can consume that [type of] food on a daily basis [will see] an impact on [their] {the food has an impact, not the people who consume the food} health leading to diabetes and heart [disease], There can be liver related problems, high blood pressure and cholesterol levels, bone and joint problems, [and] shortness of breath that makes exercise, sports or any physical activity is difficult.

To conclude, although [ready-made] food [often] has better taste and it saves time and money, due to a lack of nourishing factors it [negatively] affects [one’s] health badly and resultantly, there can be an invitation for [it can invite] {this seems much more concise} many health-related problems.

[Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe]

Thanks Luschen