It's better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing exercise

[Vance_Zhou]

TOPIC:It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

Certain people prefer to relax through watching movies or reading books rather than doing physical exercise in their spare time, since it can relieve their stress and make their minds peaceful. However, compared with watching movies and reading, I believe that doing physical exercise is a better choice, because it can not only build up our bodies but also can cut down stress.

To begin with, doing exercise can strengthen our bodies and keep us fit, which do not take place while you are reading books or watching movies. Only do we lead healthy life then we can pay more attention and put more energy on our work. Take me as an example: my major is computer science. As a consequence, I had to face to the computer nearly 8 hours every day to program software. And I did not have time to do exercises. It leaded the situation that after facing to the computer for a long time, my neck would be ache and sore. As a result, the efficiency became increasing lower. Afterwards, I spent one hour doing exercise with my friends every day, such as running on the playground, playing basketball. Several weeks later, the condition of my neck was relieved. In addition, the efficiency of programming was boosted. It is obvious that exercising plays an important role in people’s lives, especially to those who always face to the computer and do not stretch for a long time.

What’s more, doing exercise also can release the stress and improve the quality of sleep. As the pressure of work becoming increasing heavy day by day, people should stress more importance to this issue. Two weeks before I took the TOEFL test, I felt upset and anxious about the test. It resulted in the circumstance that I could not go sleep well at night. In other words, I always woke up in the night or hardly slept deeply. Thereafter my mother required me to have a walk around our community after dinner with her. Breathing the fresh air and, my mood came down and the stress was smoothed. As a result, my sleeping quality became improved and I had enough energy for fighting in the next day.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I hold the view that doing exercise is more efficient and effective as a relax method than reading or watching movies in your spare time.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History (2)

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing is quite good in this essay. You only have a few grammar errors and most of my suggestions were not really to correct outright errors but instead to make your writing sound more polished. You structure was ok, but I think it might have been better if you had addressed the read a book or watch a movie part of the prompt. You conclude by saying exercise is better, but you never even mentioned those options. I think a better structure might have been body paragraph 1 : additional benefits of exercise ; body paragraph 2 : potential drawbacks of movies or books. That is really just my opinion though. Overall, I would rate your essay a 4 out of 5.

@Vance Zhou

TOPIC:It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

Certain people prefer to relax through watching movies or reading books rather than doing physical exercise in their spare time, since it can relieve their stress and make their minds peaceful.{“and bring peace to their minds” sounds a bit nicer} However, compared with watching movies and reading, I believe that doing physical exercise is a better choice, because it can not only build up our bodies but also can cut down stress.{this is a bit off, since you should focus on the prompt and give the side effect as an additional benefit, not the other way around - maybe “because it can also build up our bodies while cutting down our stress”}

To begin with, doing exercise can strengthen our bodies and keep us fit, which do not take place while you are reading books or watching movies. {this is grammatically correct, but the “do” seems a bit odd to me, like it perhaps should be “does” - if you change it to “… keep us fit, benefits which do not take place …” it is more clear cut}Only do we lead healthy life then we can {“Only when we lead a healthy life can we pay …”} pay more attention and put{“devote” is better} more energy on[towards] our work. Take me as an example: my major is computer science. As a consequence, I had to face to the computer {“face the computer” is still a bit odd} nearly 8 hours every day to program software. And I did not have time to do exercises. It leaded[led to] the situation that after facing to the computer {“working at the computer” is better} for a long time, my neck would be ache[achy] and sore. As a result, the[my] efficiency became increasing[ly] lower. Afterwards, I spent one hour doing exercise with my friends every day, such as running on the playground [or] {try not to use these commas as conjunctions} playing basketball. Several weeks later, the condition of my neck was relieved. {a specific pain would be relieved - I think your condition would instead be vastly improved} In addition, the efficiency of [my] programming was boosted. It is obvious that exercising {“exercise” is a better noun here} plays an important role in people’s lives, especially to[for] those who always face to the computer and do not stretch for a long time.

What’s more, doing exercise also can release{“relieve” is a better verb} the[one’s] stress and improve the quality of sleep. As the pressure of work [is] becoming increasing[ly] heavy day by day, people should stress more importance{“stress more importance” is incorrect - either give more importance to or stress} to this issue. Two weeks before I took the TOEFL test, I felt upset and anxious about the test. It resulted in the circumstance that{“in which” is better than “that” here} I could not go sleep well [fall asleep easily] at night. In other words, I always woke up in the night {“during the night” or “in the middle of the night”} or hardly slept deeply. Thereafter my mother required me to have a walk {“encourage me to take a walk” sounds better} around our community after dinner with her. Breathing the fresh air and,{and what?} my mood came down {when we say our mood came down it means we became sad or depressed - like a bad mood} and the stress was smoothed. As a result, my sleeping quality became improved and I had enough energy for fighting in the next day.{“for fighting in the next day” sounds odd unless you are a tai-kwan-do competitor}

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I hold the view that doing exercise is more efficient and effective as a relax[ation] method than reading or watching movies in your spare time.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History (2)

[Vance_Zhou]

@Luschen

Hi, your writing is quite good in this essay. You only have a few grammar errors and most of my suggestions were not really to correct outright errors but instead to make your writing sound more polished. You structure was ok, but I think it might have been better if you had addressed the read a book or watch a movie part of the prompt. You conclude by saying exercise is better, but you never even mentioned those options. I think a better structure might have been body paragraph 1 : additional benefits of exercise ; body paragraph 2 : potential drawbacks of movies or books. That is really just my opinion though. Overall, I would rate your essay a 4 out of 5.

@Vance Zhou

TOPIC:It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

Certain people prefer to relax through watching movies or reading books rather than doing physical exercise in their spare time, since it can relieve their stress and make their minds peaceful.{“and bring peace to their minds” sounds a bit nicer} However, compared with watching movies and reading, I believe that doing physical exercise is a better choice, because it can not only build up our bodies but also can cut down stress.{this is a bit off, since you should focus on the prompt and give the side effect as an additional benefit, not the other way around - maybe “because it can also build up our bodies while cutting down our stress”}

To begin with, doing exercise can strengthen our bodies and keep us fit, which do not take place while you are reading books or watching movies. {this is grammatically correct, but the “do” seems a bit odd to me, like it perhaps should be “does” - if you change it to “… keep us fit, benefits which do not take place …” it is more clear cut}Only do we lead healthy life then we can {“Only when we lead a healthy life can we pay …”} pay more attention and put{“devote” is better} more energy on[towards] our work. Take me as an example: my major is computer science. As a consequence, I had to face to the computer {“face the computer” is still a bit odd} nearly 8 hours every day to program software. And I did not have time to do exercises. It leaded[led to] the situation that after facing to the computer {“working at the computer” is better} for a long time, my neck would be ache[achy] and sore. As a result, the[my] efficiency became increasing[ly] lower. Afterwards, I spent one hour doing exercise with my friends every day, such as running on the playground [or] {try not to use these commas as conjunctions} playing basketball. Several weeks later, the condition of my neck was relieved. {a specific pain would be relieved - I think your condition would instead be vastly improved} In addition, the efficiency of [my] programming was boosted. It is obvious that exercising {“exercise” is a better noun here} plays an important role in people’s lives, especially to[for] those who always face to the computer and do not stretch for a long time.

What’s more, doing exercise also can release{“relieve” is a better verb} the[one’s] stress and improve the quality of sleep. As the pressure of work [is] becoming increasing[ly] heavy day by day, people should stress more importance{“stress more importance” is incorrect - either give more importance to or stress} to this issue. Two weeks before I took the TOEFL test, I felt upset and anxious about the test. It resulted in the circumstance that{“in which” is better than “that” here} I could not go sleep well [fall asleep easily] at night. In other words, I always woke up in the night {“during the night” or “in the middle of the night”} or hardly slept deeply. Thereafter my mother required me to have a walk {“encourage me to take a walk” sounds better} around our community after dinner with her. Breathing the fresh air and,{and what?} my mood came down {when we say our mood came down it means we became sad or depressed - like a bad mood} and the stress was smoothed. As a result, my sleeping quality became improved and I had enough energy for fighting in the next day.{“for fighting in the next day” sounds odd unless you are a tai-kwan-do competitor}

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I hold the view that doing exercise is more efficient and effective as a relax[ation] method than reading or watching movies in your spare time.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History (2)

I just want to introduce the reasons which I will talk in detail in the body paragraph through the last sentence of the first paragraph. Maybe that format is not right and how do I correct that?

[Luschen]

Hi, no, you have the correct format for your thesis sentence - my suggestion was a pretty minor correction, so if you don’t agree with it, don’t let it mess you up.