it is the first time that i send my essay here, please correct it!thanks a lot!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them.

No one can deny that all parents want their children to have a birght future. So it is unusual to see that many parents determine their children’s future for them. However, as far as I’m concerned, it’s better for children to make their own choices for some concrete reasons.
First of all, actually, I figure that parents have no rights to decide their children’s future. Instead, children have their own perspective about their lives. As a matter of fact, everyone has his or her own interests, no exception for children. If children can undertake the matters that they are interested in, they would have more energy and passion on them. Of course, they will succeed more easily because they take more serious and work more efficiently on these matters. I know some parents have some dreams that they couldn’t realize in their lives, so they hope their children can achieve their goals. However, people in this world are living for themselves, not for others. Therefore, parents shouldn’t force their children to do something they don’t like.
Besides, making decisions on our own is an essential ability that all of us should master. Supposed that parents have determined everything for their children, the youth can’t learn how to think deeply, decide or attempt. There is no doubt that our society is very sophisticated and we have to deal with all kinds of issues and relationships when we enter the society. In other words, learning how to decide is an important lesson that every child should study. Only when we have acquired this ability can it prepare us better for our future development.
If there are some parents who are deciding all the things for their children, I want them to think about this: How would you be happy when others force you to do something? Or, how can you be successful if you can’t decide just a simple matter?
Taking into account of all these reasons, we may reach the conclusion that parents should allow their children to make their own decisions due to respecting children’s own thoughts and exercising children’s abilities of deciding.

Actually, apart from some spelling errors, i hope someone can tell me if there are another aspects that i can improve, such as the strecture of the sentence…
Since i will have the IBT on 23th.Oct…sO…

TOEFL listening lectures: Why do the Lascaux cave paintings probably not qualify as graffiti?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them.

No one can deny that all parents want their children to have a BRIGHT future. So it is unusual to see that many parents determine their children’s future for them. However, as far as I’m concerned, it’s better for children to make their own choices(.) for some concrete reasons.

First of all, actually, I figure that parents have no RIGHT to decide their children’s futureS. Instead, children have their own perspective about their lives. As a matter of fact, everyone has his or her own interests, CHILDREN ARE no exception. If children can undertake the matters that they are interested in, they would have more energy and passion FOR them. Of course, they will succeed more easily because they take IT more serious and work more efficiently on these matters. I know some parents have some PERSONAL dreams that they couldn’t realize in their OWN lives, so they hope their children can achieve their goals. However, people in this world are living for themselves, not for others. Therefore, parents shouldn’t force their children to do something THAT they don’t like.
Besides, making decisions on our own is an essential ability that all of us should master. SUPPOSE that parents have determined everything for their CHILD, the CHILD WILL BE UNABLE TO learn how to think deeply, decide or attempt. There is no doubt that our society is very sophisticated and we have to deal with all kinds of issues and relationships when we enter the society.

///In other words, learning how to decide is an important lesson that every child should study. Only when IT HAS acquired this ability can it prepare ITSELF better for ITS future development.///

If there are some parents who are deciding all the things for their children, I want them to think about this: How HAPPY would you be happy when others force you to do something? Or, how can you be successful if you can’t decide just a simple matter?

Taking into account of all these reasons, we may reach the conclusion that parents should allow their children to make their own decisions(,) due to respecting children’s own thoughts and exercising children’s abilities of deciding.

Actually, apart from some spelling errors, (I) hope someone can tell me if there are another aspects that (I) can improve, such as the strUcture of the sentence…
Since (I) will have the IBT on 23th.Oct…sO…
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Not bad Clumsy, but you need to concentrate on what you are writing. Read the /// sentence for example. There you are writing about a specific child, but you changed midway through the sentence to children in general.

Kitos. 8.5/10

oh,I see. Thank you so much!!!

You should also put your topic title on the thread, not in your essay. Think on!

OK, I will. Thank you, Kitosdad.