It is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organiz

[Mahdi]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Deciding how do we want to live is one the essential and complicated questions of our lives. Some people do not have this ability to organize their lives while others can easily make a plan for thier lives. In my opinion it is very important to have a plan for our lives with having goals and strategies. Having a plan for our lives have economic and psychological benefits for us.
To begin, if we have a plan for our lives we know what to do in different stages of our lives. In order to become a successful man with much money you should have a plan. If you do not have any plan you will lose your money in different situation of your life. For example, when your office pays your salary, if you do not have a program for it you can not save any thing. So to become a successful and rich man you should know what to do with your money.
Furthermore, when you are not organized and you do not have different goals in your life you may become sad and desperate. Having achievable goals and trying to achieve to them, is an enjoyable experiences in any person’s life and when you achieve your goals, you feel lots of joy in yourself. For instance, I want to achieve to the Toefl score 100 and I am trying to get this score. In my opinion when if one day I get score 100 it will be a wonderful day for me and this hope prevent me from becoming sad and desperate.
To sum up, I believe your life will loose it’s meaning if you do not have a plan during different stages of your life.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?

[Luschen]

Hi Mahdi, I thought your essay was pretty clear and you addressed the prompt correctly.
Your essay is well organized. Your introduction is a little cookie-cutter and basic,
but I guess it gets the job done. Your vocabulary is quite limited though,
and as a result you have quite a bit of repetition in this essay. You also have some grammatical errors and mistakes in usage. Overall, your essay just sounds a little unpolished and plain. I think I would rate it a band 6.

@Mahdi

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Deciding how do we want to live is one [of] the essential and complicated questions of our lives. Some people do not have this ability to organize their lives while others can easily make a plan for [their] lives. {this “their lives” sounds a little repetitive} In my opinion it is very important to have a plan for our lives {even more repetitive} with having goals and strategies. Having a plan for our lives {still more} ha[s ] economic and psychological benefits for us.
To begin, if we have a plan for our lives {again} we know what to do in different stages of our lives. In order to become a successful man {maybe make this a little more gender inclusive - what about women?} with much money you should have a plan. If you do not have any plan you will lose your money in different situation[s ] of your life. For example, when your office pays your salary, if you do not have a program for it you can not save [anything]. So to become a successful and rich man you should know what to do with your money.
Furthermore, when you are not organized and you do not have different goals in your life you may become sad and desperate. Having achievable goals and trying to achieve to them, {no comma here} is an enjoyable [experience] in any person’s life and when you achieve your goals, you feel lots of joy in yourself. {I would avoid 2nd person - you wrote most of the rest of your essay in first person, so I would stick with that and use “we”} For instance, I want to achieve [a] to the Toefl score [of] 100 {you acheive something, you don’t achieve to something} and I am trying to get this score. In my opinion[,] when if one day I get [a ]score [of] 100 {or “if one day I score 100 it …”} it will be a wonderful day for me and this hope prevent[s ] me from becoming sad and desperate. {there is a lot of repetition of “achieve” in this paragraph}
To sum up, I believe your life will [lose] [its] meaning if you do not have a plan during different stages of your life. {once again, third or first person would sound a little better here}

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?

[Luschen]

Hi Mahdi, I thought your essay was pretty clear and you addressed the prompt correctly.
Your essay is well organized. Your introduction is a little cookie-cutter and basic,
but I guess it gets the job done. Your vocabulary is quite limited though,
and as a result you have quite a bit of repetition in this essay. You also have some grammatical errors and mistakes in usage. Overall, your essay just sounds a little unpolished and plain. I think I would rate it a band 6.

@Mahdi

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Deciding how do we want to live is one [of] the essential and complicated questions of our lives. Some people do not have this ability to organize their lives while others can easily make a plan for [their] lives. {this “their lives” sounds a little repetitive} In my opinion it is very important to have a plan for our lives {even more repetitive} with having goals and strategies. Having a plan for our lives {still more} ha[s ] economic and psychological benefits for us.
To begin, if we have a plan for our lives {again} we know what to do in different stages of our lives. In order to become a successful man {maybe make this a little more gender inclusive - what about women?} with much money you should have a plan. If you do not have any plan you will lose your money in different situation[s ] of your life. For example, when your office pays your salary, if you do not have a program for it you can not save [anything]. So to become a successful and rich man you should know what to do with your money.
Furthermore, when you are not organized and you do not have different goals in your life you may become sad and desperate. Having achievable goals and trying to achieve to them, {no comma here} is an enjoyable [experience] in any person’s life and when you achieve your goals, you feel lots of joy in yourself. {I would avoid 2nd person - you wrote most of the rest of your essay in first person, so I would stick with that and use “we”} For instance, I want to achieve [a] to the Toefl score [of] 100 {you acheive something, you don’t achieve to something} and I am trying to get this score. In my opinion[,] when if one day I get [a ]score [of] 100 {or “if one day I score 100 it …”} it will be a wonderful day for me and this hope prevent[s ] me from becoming sad and desperate. {there is a lot of repetition of “achieve” in this paragraph}
To sum up, I believe your life will [lose] [its] meaning if you do not have a plan during different stages of your life. {once again, third or first person would sound a little better here}

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?