It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree?

[Rezapartovi]

There are a lot of debate about whether it is better to raise children in a large city or a small town. Because dwelling place is so significant and plays a pivotal role in children training. Some people believe that living in the countryside is more beneficial for young people than the big cities. In my opinion, it is more advantageous to raise children in an urban environment. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

The first point I would like to elaborate on is that cities have been providing and offering lots of leisure activities for young people such as attending sports clubs, taking part in art classes, participating in foreign language classes to name a few. Thus children will gain so much profit than the others, people who live in rural areas. For example, attending in these classes will broaden children’s horizons, since they interact with people of different countries, of different religious and different races. As a result of fact young people will be able to discover their own talents and potentials, which will help them to form their future career because the more you are familiar with your talents, the easier you will progress in your life.

The second point I would like to explain is that in the cities, people specially the young ones have diverse chances to get a job at young ages. In urban areas there are lots of opportunities for children to get experienced in the young ages in order to prepare for future occupation. For instance, in my town majority of students have working in the summer not only as an internship to be proficient but also as a person that he or she wants to save money for university expenses. Had some people been able to realize the privileges of living in urban areas, they might never have opposed with it.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that living in big cities offer us multiple benefits to participate in recreational classes. Similarly, it provides us with abundant opportunities to get ready for future career. By taking all above explained arguments into consideration, human beings require to live in metropolitan areas in order to be able to prosper in their live.

[Luschen]

HI Reza, welcome to the forum. I am sorry for my delay in getting to your essay. I think you have an effective format here and have addressed the prompt correctly. You do have some unnecessary phrases that sound like they were just included to boost your word count a little. Your reasons are valid though and you have provided support and specific examples.
You do have some odd sounding phrases though and one sentence that did not really make much sense at all to me. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Rezapartovi

There [has been much] debate about whether it is better to raise children in a large city or a small town. [This is] Because [one’s] dwelling place {“dwelling place” sounds odd here} is so significant and plays a pivotal role in [raising] children training. {this was not a complete sentence} Some people believe that living in the countryside is more beneficial for young people than the big cities. In my opinion, it is more advantageous to raise children in an urban environment. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. {I would leave out this last sentence - it does not really add any useful information and it is better to end your intro with your thesis statement}

The first point I would like to elaborate on {this is unnecessarily wordy - it sounds like you memorized this phrase to use in every essay} is that cities have been providing {“have been” sounds odd, like this is about to change} and offering {“providing and offering” is redundant} lots of leisure activities for young people such as attending sports clubs, taking part in art classes, [and] participating in foreign language classes to name a few. Thus children will gain so much profit than the [compared to] others people who live in rural areas. For example, attending in these classes will broaden children’s horizons, since they interact with people of different countries, of different religious and different races. As a result of fact {or “In fact, young …”} young people will be able to discover their own talents and potentials, which will help them to form their future career because the more you are familiar [you are] with your talents, the easier you will progress in your life. {try to avoid using second person in formal essays, especially a sudden shift from third to second person like here}

The second point I would like to explain is that in the cities, {more unnecessary words} people[, especially] {it is a good rule to use “especially” everywhere except for “specially made”} the young ones[,] have diverse chances to get a job at young ages {this sounds odd - because only “the young ones” can get a job at a young age! } In urban areas there are lots of opportunities for children to get [experience at a young age] in the young ages in order to prepare for [their] future occupation. For instance, in my town[, the] majority of students [have worked] in the summer not only as an internship to be proficient {“to gain proficiency” sounds better} but also as a person that he or she wants to [in order to] save money for university expenses. Had some people been able to realize the privileges of living in urban areas, they might never have opposed with it. {this last sentence is incorrect and confusing}

In conclusion, there is no doubt that living in big cities offer [youngsters] multiple benefits to participate in recreational classes. {you should begin your conclusion by restating your overall thesis, not by restating a specific example - a better conclusion outline is 1. restate thesis 2. summarize reasons 3. give a call to action} Similarly, it provides [children] with abundant opportunities to get ready for [their] future career. By taking all above explained arguments into consideration, human beings {“humans” or “human beings” are used mainly when talking about biology or comparing humans to animals - here it sounds like you are stressing that cities are good for humans, but not necessarily for animals - this may be true but I don’t think it is the point you intend to make} require to live [are better off living] in metropolitan areas in order to be able to prosper in their live. {this sounded too strong - living in a city is not required for having a good life I think}