Is this correct? Does it sound good?

Dear teacher and friends,

Could you help me correct the sentence below :
“Formulated in 2006 by creative motivated balls of fire, bringing new breeze to promoting system,
now we spread out our wings for promotion media, handling 3D animation, web marketing, web designing.”

Does it sound good for promotional and advertising purposes? I am looking forward to immediate reply.

“balls of fire” considered to be the actors/people behind and I wonder whether “breeze” is a better choice instead of “breakthrough”.


Best regards,

Made Sariada :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Hi Made Sariada

Your sentence is much “too creative” for my taste. It’s “creative” to the point of being not understandable. And that’s particularly bad if you’re trying to advertise something!

Sorry, I can’t help you much because I don’t understand everything you’re trying to say.

I’d suggest you re-write the sentence completely. You might also want to consider making it two sentences.

The word breeze is not even remotely similar to the word breakthrough.

Before you re-write, check the meaning of the word formulate in a good dictionary. Is that really the word you want? What was formulated???

Hi made sariada,

I can sense your entusiasm in what you have written but I’m afraid it comes out as a bit wacky and weird.

My suggestion for you:

Established in 2006 by a group of creative and highly motivated balls of fire, who were like a breath of fresh air in the promotion business, we are now going to spread our wings to include media promotion,3D animation,web marketing and web design.

Good luck