Integrated task

[Alican]

Could you tell me the weak parts of my integrated essay
Thanks for review

Both the reading passage and listening passage discuss the subject of the negative impacts of dams on reproductive of salmon and solution ways to this problem. Salmon is a kind of fish. They have interesting life cycle, while adult salmon are living in the salt water, young salmon, called smolt, are spawned in fresh water. Therefore, completing this life cycle is vital for their survival. The most important part of this cycle for smolt is accessibility from fresh water to the ocean in a small time. The longer time takes this part the younger salmon die. Methods to recover of worsening conditions due to existing dam on the river come under question.

The professor refutes the first method presented in the reading passage by saying that transferring young salmon by barge kills more fish than it saves.Additionally, in total contrast to the reading passage professor states that, other ways in an effort to enhance the flow rate of river by either increasing flow rate of river or reducing the water level during migration period of smolt cannot solve this problem completely. Furthermore, these both methods are criticized by power companies

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?

[Kitosdad]

@Alican

Could you tell me the weak parts of my integrated essay
Thanks for review

Both the reading passage and listening passage discuss the subject of the negative impacts of dams on the reproductive cycle of salmon and the solution to this problem. Salmon is a kind of fish. They have an interesting life cycle. While adult salmon are living in the salt water, young salmon, called smolt, are spawned in fresh water. Therefore, completing this life cycle is vital for their survival. The most important part of this cycle for smolt is accessibility from fresh water to the ocean in the quickest time. The longer it takes to achieve this a large percentage of the younger salmon die. Methods to improve the worsening conditions due to the existing dam on the river come under question.

The professor refutes the first method presented in the reading passage by saying that the transferring of young salmon by barge kills more fish than it saves. In total contrast to the reading passage, the professor states that other ways are needed to enhance the flow rate of the river, by either increasing the flow rate of the river or by reducing the water level during the migration period of the smolt. Even these moves cannot solve this problem completely. Furthermore, both of these methods are criticized by the power companies.
…
Your work does not appear to have any real weak points to me.

Kitos. 8.5/10

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?

[Mohammad64]

Hello Alican,

I think your method for writing integrated essays may not be the best one. You wrote 7 lines about things which are apparently in the reading. Furthermore, you wrote 5 lines and a half about what professor states in the lecture. You have written a lot about the reading and not enough about the lecture.

It would be better to write in this way.

3 or 4 sentences:
1- What reading says.
2- What is the relationship between the lecture and the reading.

The rest of the essay:
3- First point in the reading. How the lecture casts doubt about it.
4- Second point in the reading. How the lecture cats doubt about it.
5- Third point in the reading. How the lecture cats doubt about it.

It is a good idea to research more into how to write integrated essays.