Good evening, Kitodads. Thank you very much for rating my previous essay
Could you rate my essay?
Topic: What change would make your hometown appealing to people your age? Use specific details and examples to support your oppinion.
Nowadays, society needs to care about every aspect of young people so that they are able to develop comprehensively. To young people, one of the most important aspects is physical aspect. Hence, I would like to build up a sport stadium for people at my age for following reasons.
First of all, I want to construct the sport stadium since it is an accessible place for young people to play all kinds of sport game such as football, basketball, badminton. The fact that in my hometown, adults do not have location to play sport games causes some personal problems. Instead of exercising, adults often play online games to kill time, which has negative impacts on their health and study. If such sport stadium is build up, it would be great place for young people to do exercise, relax after stressful working time and then become healthier and more effective in their jobs.
Secondly, sport stadium would be an ideal place to organize sport events. Sport events regularly are held every year in my hometown; however, the equipment and infrastructure currently did not require the necessary standards. To encourage young people take part in these events, sport stadium should be required to organize such sport events. Moreover, sport events take many advantages for young people since it not only create competitive environment but also make solidarity spirit for young people.
Adults and teenagers are the perspective people of any nation. Helping young people have better healthy is very meaningful in the way of developing country in the future. Therefore, sport stadium is an indispensable place everywhere for practicing and organizing sport games.
TOEFL listening discussions: Two roommates talking about fraternities
Good evening, Kitodads. Thank you very much for rating my previous essay
Could you rate my essay?
Topic: What change would make your hometown appealing to people your age? Use specific details and examples to support your oppinion.
Nowadays, society needs to care about every aspect CONCERNING young people(,) so that they are able to develop comprehensively. To young people, one of the most important aspects is THE physical aspect. Hence, I would like to build up a sportS stadium for people OF my age for following reasons.
First of all, I want to construct the sporSt stadium since it is an accessible place for young people to play all kinds of sport gameS(,) such as football, basketball, badminton. The fact that in my home-town, adults do not have ANY location to play sport games causes some personal problems. Instead of exercising, adults often play on-line games to kill time, which has negative impacts on their health and study. If such A sportS stadium WERE TO BE BUILT, it would be A great place for young people to do exercise, relax after stressful working(,) and then become healthier and more effective in their jobs.
Secondly, A sportS stadium would be an ideal place to organize sportING events. SportS events are regularlyNheld every year in my home-town; however, the equipment and infrastructure currently DO not MEET the necessary standards. To encourage young people take part in these events, A sportS stadium should be required to organize such events. Moreover, sport events HAVE many advantages for young people since it not only createS A competitive environment(,) but also makeS FOR solidarity AMONGST THE young people.
Adults and teenagers are the PROSPECTIVE people of any nation. Helping young people have better health is very meaningful in the way of developing THE FUTURE OF THE COUNTRS(,) therefore A sportS stadium is an indispensable place for practicing and organizing sportS games.
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Quite good Janguyen, but as you can see, it took quite a bit of work to correct it. However, you did well.
Kitos 8/10