Hi Luschen, I am a member here. I am going to have an IELTS exam in June. Could you revise my IELTS essay? Thank you very much.
Recently, life on the Earth is getting difficult, and space projects for a new living environment has been receiving a great deal of public attention. However, whether the government should allocate money to such schemes has aroused a debate. Although focus on finding the other planets such as Mars sounds plausible, I believe that benefits of that would be overshadowed by the expensive costs.
There are several reasons why life on Earth is becoming more and more harsh. First of all, natural resources are exhausted due to excessive human needs. This means that human activities as well as economic activities are being posed to direct threat without feasible approaches. Second, humans are bearing considerable effects from climate change which directly triggers desertification, tsunamis and earthquakes. Not to mention, thirdly, population explosion makes it possible to predit a near future that we will not have adequate housing to live, clean water to drink, even humans will suffer from the lack of food. Therefore, a growing number of people desire to have a new place outside the universe to live better.
However, investing money in search of other planets to live is extortionately expensive, but it offers little returns. First, the fees on space exploration are costly such as salaries and premiums for scientists as well as professional staffs, not to mention fuel sources like coal, gas, oil are used in frequent volume. Second, in lieu of finding the other space to live like Mars, it is much more realistic when we deal with uncertainty on the Earth today and focus resources on pressing problems such environment, poverty, violence, unemployment and so on. As a result, we would bring a more friendly and wonderful living environment to citizens on this beautiful planet.
In conclusion, finding other planets needs a great amount of resources but gain nothing. By focusing more on existing issues, humans can make the Earth friendlier to live in.
Hi Hoalethi, welcome back. I think this essay is an improvement over your last one because your thesis and topic sentences do a better job of guiding the reader through your writing. You have some good ideas, but you do have some factual errors; I am not sure that would affect your score though. Your writing is clear, but you do have a few words that are not quite correct and some minor grammar issues. One other problem is that your second topic sentence and your conclusion mention that there are very few benefits to space exploration, but you never talk about this in your paragraph, you only mention the high costs. Maybe you could add that planets like Mars are just not suitable for human life, with little oxygen, no water, and freezing cold temperatures. Here are some other specific suggestions: