In some countries it is illegal to reject candidates-ielts task2

[Minooee]

In some countries it is illegal to reject candidates for a job based on their ages. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion.

Having a job always is an important issue, since the dawn of time. For apply every kind of job an individual should meets some qualification requirements such as education, age and so on. In some countries people, who are under or above a certain age, cannot be hired as it is a law. The advantages and disadvantages of this development will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

On one hand, unfortunately, since industrial evaluation we faced with tragic phenomena that called Child labor. For example, in France in 19 century, many children had to work in factories and they could not go to school or play with their friends. Thus, to fight against this, in most nations, law against hire a child under eighteen are very strict so children would be able to attend to school and have a normal childhood. As this shows, certain advantages can derive from children that follow this kind of law.

On the other hand, if you are above forty, you may face with difficulties to find a well-paid job since because of this law employers tend to hire people how are younger than you. Consequently, it is expected that the rate of unemployment rapidly increasingly. For instance, it is held an entrance exam to hire eligible teacher by Ministry of Education last week. However, there was an age range so many teachers could not attend to it because of their age and in the end they will lost their job. As this example shows, putting this law in some circumstances can bring with disadvantages.

The advantages and disadvantages of this topic are numerous. However, after analyzing both side, it is felt obey this law by employers and employees have more benefits than drawbacks.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a marine biology class

[Luschen]

Hi Minooee, this essay seemed to have more problems than some of your other ones. Your second body paragraph seemed pretty unclear - maybe you could define the law in question. Are you saying the law required teachers to be under age 40? Maybe you can say that rejecting candidates because they are too young is ok, but not because they are too old. Your writing also had a lot of minor errors and incorrect word choices. Overall, I would rate this a band 5.5.

@Minooee

In some countries it is illegal to reject candidates for a job based on their ages. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion.

Having a job always is an important issue, {“having a job” doesn’t really seem like an “issue” - maybe selecting the best candidates or making sure there is full employment are specific issues} since the dawn of time. For apply every kind of job an individual[applicant] should mee[t] some qualification requirements such as education, age and so on. In some countries[,] people, {no comma here} who are under or above a certain age,{no comma} cannot be hired as it is a law. {“… age by law cannot be hired” is more concise} The advantages and disadvantages of this development will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

On one hand, unfortunately, since [the] industrial [revolution] evaluation we [have been] faced with [the] tragic phenomen[on] that [is] called Child labor. {no caps} For example, in France in [the] 19[th] century, many children had to work in factories and they could not go to school or play with their friends. Thus, to fight against this, in most nations, law[s ] against hir[ing] a child under eighteen are very strict so children would be [are] able to attend to school and have a normal childhood. As this shows, certain advantages can derive f[or] children that [by] follow[ing] this kind of law.

On the other hand, if you are above forty, you may face with difficulties to find [in finding] a well-paid job since because of this law {what law? a law against hiring children? this is unclear to me} employers tend to hire people how[who] are younger than you. Consequently, it is expected that the rate of unemployment [will begin] {is this the tense you mean?} rapidly increasingly. For instance, it is[there was] held an entrance exam to hire eligible teacher [held] by [the] Ministry of Education last week. However, there was an age range so many teachers could not attend to it {“attend to it” is incorrect here} because of their age and in the end they will lost their job[s ]. As this example shows, putting this law in some circumstances can bring with disadvantages.

The advantages and disadvantages of this topic are numerous. { this sentence is very vague and banal} However, after analyzing both side[s], it is felt obey [that obedience to] {this is now grammatically correct, but it obedience sounds a bit odd here - I would make employers and employees the subject of the sentence} this law by employers and employees ha[s ] more benefits than drawbacks.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a marine biology class