In general people are living longer now...

[color=red] In general people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

People are living longer than ever. The 20 century has brought and emerged many aspects. Therefore, I am going to talk about the main causes of this phenomenon.

The first reason of this phenomenon is public awareness of smoking. Smoking has been the main reason of short lives in the past 40 years. It caused many diseases, lung cancer for example. I remember Mrs. Gianora , she and her late husband were living next door.They used to smoke 40 cigarettes each. Ten years after , Mr. Gianora went through a complete test and doctors told him he has lung cancer. He passed away one year after. Mrs. Gianora quit smoking at the same moment her husband had the test results. She’s in a good health now and crossed her 70s. As a matter of fact , she wouldn’t have lived till this day , if she hadn’t quit smoking at that moment.

Secondly , major war era has ended dramatically. People could live longer now, due to the pace that exists. Wars have the ability to shorten people lives thoroughly. My late grand father went through the 2nd world war as a soldier. He passed away fifteen years after due to number of illnesses he got during his army life. I am still wondering till this day, what if my grand father were like his brother Jamal , who served as clerk in a library. Would he be living more? The point I want to demonstrate from all of this , is no one can deny that war steal some years from your life.

Thirdly, People are more sophisticated than they were 50 years ago. They realize obesity drive you to several illnesses, and as a result make you die faster. I have lived in England for 10 years. The land lady of the house I was living in was obese. I advised her to stop eating greasy , unhealthy , and junk food. She wouldn’t listen and kept eating whatever she wanted. Sadly , she passed away 6 years after due to blockage in the heart caused by the high amounts of fat her body carried. Would she be living among us in this world today If she had stopped eating bad food from the beginning?

In conclusion, several causes led to long life of individuals. Cut smoking , wars era ending , and stop eating bad food which shorten the life. In addition , experts have declared that 50 minutes of walking weekly might gives you extra more years to live.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and her student

People are living longer than ever. The 20TH century has broughtHAS ARRIVED(,) and FROM IT HAVE emerged many aspects. Therefore, I am going to talk about the main causes of this phenomenon.

The first reason of FOR this phenomenon is public awareness of smoking. Smoking has been the main reason of FOR short lives in the past FORTY years. It caused many diseases, lung cancer for example. I remember Mrs. Gianora, she and her late husband were living next door.They used to smoke FORTY cigarettes each. Ten years after, Mr. Gianora went through a complete test and doctors told him he has lung cancer. He passed away one year LATER. Mrs. Gianora quit smoking at the same moment her husband had the test results. She’s in a good health now and HAS PASSED her SEVENTIES. As a matter of fact, she would NOT have lived till this day, if she had NOT quit smoking at that moment.

Secondly, A major war era has ended dramatically. People could live longer now, due to the pace that exists. Wars have the ability to shorten people lives thoroughlyPREMATURELY. My late grand father went through the SECOND WORLD WAR as a soldier. He passed away fifteen years LATER due to A number of illnesses he CONTACTED during his army life. I am still WONDER TO this day, what if my grand father were like his brother Jamal, who served as clerk in a library. Would he STILL be living? The point I want to demonstrate from all of this, is no one can deny that war stealS some years from your life.

Thirdly, people are more sophisticated than they were FIFTY years ago. They realize NOW THAT obesity CAN drive you to several illnesses, and as a result CAUSE you TO die SOONER. I have lived in England for TEN years. The landlady of the house I was living in was obese. I advised her to stop eating greasy, unhealthy, junk food. She wouldn’t listen and kept eating whatever she wanted. Sadly, she passed away SIX years LATER due to A blockage in the heart caused by the high amounts of fat her body carried. Would she be living among us in this world today if she had stopped eating bad food from the beginning?

In conclusion, several causes HAVE led to long life of individuals. Cut smoking, end wars , and stop eating bad food which shortenS YOUR life. In addition, experts have declared that FIFTY minutes of walking weekly might gives you extra more years to live.
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Not a bad essay Giovanini, but your punctuation leaves a lot to be desired. I have corrected it in the above essay, but check against your original to see your errors.
Also, no numerals, and no contracting od words are allowed in the TOEFL exam.

Kitos. 7.5/10

Thank you Kitos. So, no numeral nor contracting of words. Two valuable rules !

Thanks a lot

Don’t forget the wrongly placed comma’s!

Wrongly placed comma’s is a problem for me man. Would anyone please tell me when to put comma’s!

Thanks!

Good morning Giovanini. It isn’t a question of when, more of where.

Note the bold type above, and the gap you leave between when and the comma.

You write; when , more

This is definitely wrong in writing English. Keep the comma next to the last letter in the word. OK?

Ok Kitosdad. Thank you for your help!!

I think I am going to write the best essay ever in the TOEFL because of your Pieces of advice!