Hi Luschen,. I am going to have an IELTS exam next week. Could you revise my IELTS essay? Thank you very much.
Topic: Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some people believe that parents of children who attend privately-funded schools don’t need to contribute state schools through taxes. Personally, I completely disagree with this view.
On the one hand, tax-free for families who send their offsprings to independent schools seems to be out of question owning to three main underlying explanations . Firstly, to solve the complexity of accurate calculation of the amount of tax for these families, staffs must improve current management system considerably and carry out continuous assessments, which leads to a tremendous waste of time and money. Another point is that we pay a certain amount of tax for public services such as public medicines fees, environmental sanitation fees,… that we may not use. It is pressing that if affluent families were given a tax discount or an exemption from taxes, for putting their children into non-government schools, we might have situation where poorer people pay higher public taxes than the rich.
On the other hand, tax liabitity should be fulfilled by each citizen, which brings significant effects on all members of society. It is common knowledge that all students are provided with a high-quality public education system including technological facilities and extra-curricular activities, which has been made with the money from taxes contributions. In other words, the principle of educational equality among state and private schools would be guaranteed in the long run, which results in a well-educated workforce and in turn more productive and prosperous nation. For example, according to Ministry of Education and Training, with public investments for education, Ha Noi universities supported by government has tailored traditional teaching styles by applying modern information technologies such as computers, powper point projectors,… to enhance trasmission of knowledge as well as education quality in classes until 2025.
In conclusion, I do not believe that any financial concessions should be made for people who choose private education.
Hi Th_Bui, welcome to the forum. Your essay is pretty good, with excellent vocabulary choices and a good variety of sentence types and lengths. Your grammar is also very good for the most part. I would try to expand your intro and conclusion so that you have full three sentence paragraphs. Your second body paragraph is very convincing, but your first is not as strong.
I don’t really buy your “too complicated” argument and you include a couple other arguments in the first body paragraph that you don’t develop much. You do sort of develop this same argument in your next paragraph, which is good, but I would try to focus on how a good public school system benefits society as a whole. Since everybody benefits, everybody should contribute. And it is true that rich people are the ones who tend to send their kids to private school, so they should be able to afford paying taxes as well. Just make sure to develop all of your ideas so your paragraph doesn’t end up looking like a list of bullet points. Here are some other specific suggestions: