IELTS Writing task 2:Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you argee or disagree

ielts
#1

Dear teacher,
Please help me check this essay,
Thank you
Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you argee or disagree.

In the life, some people tend to choose their career base on the salary. I do not agree the idea of the salary is the most important , but I believe that some other people seek the job base on the meaningful things of that job without a high salary.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why the salary is the most consideration of some people who select the job. The first reason is when someone who get the high salary in their job, their will have the better life. The higher income they earn, the happier people get in their job. For example, the high salary help people a lot of things in their life such as a comfortable life they get, people are capable to take care their family or they can use their high salary to enjoy their life in the holiday.

On the other hand, there is a controversial issues that people should choose a job base on passionate or the job has a great salary. There are not many people can answer this question. Some people are make wrong decide in their career. Therefore, they easily bored with the job that they choose and they don’t have any passionate in that job. Furthermore, when you bored with your job, you will easy to give up and you may lose your job. In addition, some people select their job base on their passionate in spite of this job is not have high salary but they feel happy at that job. For example, some people work in the charities they don’t need the high salary but their jobs are very useful for social.

In conclusion, choosing a job is extremely important for each people. I believe that we should choose a job that enable to you. If you work hard in your job, you will be promote and have better salar

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IELTS Writing task 2: Topic When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you argee or disagree
#2

Hi Kelvin, I thought this essay was a little weak to be honest.
The prompt asks you to choose one side or the other and give the extent to which you hold your opinion. Your have sort of agreed with both sides, or at least that is what your essay sounds like. As you can see, by adding just a few words, you can state the opposing side’s viewpoint but also show why the other side is wrong.
This will make your argument much more convincing. The whole first half of your second body paragraph started like you were beginning an entirely new essay.
These sentences like "Some people make the wrong decision in their career are better suited to the introduction of your essay. Here are some other suggestions:

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#3

Dear teacher,

Thank you very much,

1 Like