IELTS Writing Task 2 - Thanks for you help!

[Dan_Pham]

Please give me your comments and mark for my IELTS writing essay. Many thanks.

Topic: Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment, only government and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:
It is true that the issues related to environmental development have become one of the most controversial topics nowadays. Some people think that only government and big firms are capable of considerably contributing to create a better environment. Personally, I disagree with this view because I believe that on personal level, people can have positive influence on environmental improvement.

On the one hand, I agree with the pivotal roles of government as well as large enterprise in improving the environment. In fact, the laws and policies related to environmental protection, which are able to have significant impact on public awareness, can only be imposed by government. Moreover, with the monitoring and supervision of the state, these can be implemented effectively. Also, large companies can make a difference by making their manufacturing process more environmentally friendly. For example, they can make effort to only cooperate with the chemical factories involving their production in eco-system. It would benefit to environment as a whole if these firms would ensure the abidance by eco-friendly policies.

Nevertheless, I believe that individuals are able to provide remarkable effect on protecting the environment. In fact, in some cases, the laws and policies imposed by government seem to be quite restricted in terms of practical aspect. This problem can be effectively tackled by the cooperation and supervision from individuals. Furthermore, it seems logical that personal awareness and behaviours are the significant key points in improving the environment. For instance, the fact that garbage pervading the city, such as plastic containers, litter and even household waste are disposed without any sorting is the consequence of the inadequate awareness of individual and families about the environmental protection. Last but not least, with the mass people’s attention and actions, environment is likely to change in the most considerable way. It is true that if each individuals plants a single tree in their living place, it would be much more significant than the steps taken by the authority and large companies.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that government and big businesses play a vital part in protecting the environment by imposing laws as well as policies and abiding them. However, I would argue that action of individuals is the main factors contributing to a better our living surroundings. I believe that by increasing each person’s awareness and behaviours towards environmental development, huge achievements will be achieved.

[Luschen]

Hi Dan, this is another good essay. You have addressed the prompt well, but be sure to state explicitly “to what extent” you agree or disagree. Here, since you give the benefits of government and corporate actions, I thought “somewhat” was most appropriate. Your body paragraphs are generally clear, but you did have that one very confusing sentence. Your vocabulary is excellent, but you did have a few minor grammar errors. I am not sure this would quite make it to the band 7 level, mainly because of that one sentence.

@Dan_Pham

It is true that the issues related to environmental development {“environmental development” is a bit vague - do you mean “environmentally friendly development” or “environmental damage due to development” or something else? Now that I have finished your essay I understand better - development often means building new houses or factories, so it doesn’t really work here as a synonym for improvement} have become [some] of the most controversial topics nowadays. Some people think that only government and big firms are capable of considerably contributing to create a {or maybe better, “to the creation of a better”} better environment. Personally, I [somewhat] disagree with this view because I believe that on personal level, people can have [a ] positive influence on environmental improvement.

On the one hand, I agree with the pivotal roles of government as well as large enterprise in improving the environment. In fact, the laws and policies related to environmental protection, which are able to have significant impact on public awareness, can only be imposed by government. Moreover, with the monitoring and supervision of the state, these can be implemented effectively. {I would say “only with the monitoring … state, can these be implemented effectively.”} Also, large companies can make a difference by making their manufacturing [processes] more environmentally friendly. For example, they can make [an] effort to only cooperate with the chemical factories involving their production in eco-system. {this is confusing to me - I guess you mean they should only buy raw materials from factories that respect and protect the ecosystem?} It would benefit [the] {or “it would be a benefit to the environment …”} environment as a whole if these firms would ensure the abidance by eco-friendly policies.

Nevertheless, I believe that individuals are able to provide remarkable [effects] on protecting the environment. In fact, in some cases, the laws and policies imposed by government seem to be quite restricted in terms of practical [aspects]. This problem can be effectively tackled by the cooperation and supervision from individuals. {some explanation, or better, an example, would make this a lot more clear - I am not exactly sure what situations you are describing} Furthermore, it seems logical that personal awareness and behaviours are the significant key points in improving the environment. For instance, the fact that garbage pervading the city, such as plastic containers, litter and even household waste [is] { “garbage” is the non-countable subject of this verb} disposed without any sorting is the consequence of the inadequate awareness of individual and families about the [importance of] {or "about the methods of "} environmental protection. Last but not least, with the mass people’s {“mass people” sounds unnatural - maybe “populace’s” } attention and actions, environment is likely to change[, whether for better or worse] in the most considerable way. It is true that if each [individual] plants a single tree in their living place, it would be much more significant than the steps taken by the [authorities] and large companies.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that government and big businesses play a vital part in protecting the environment by imposing laws as well as policies and abiding them. However, I would argue that action of individuals is the main [factor] contributing to [bettering] our living surroundings. I believe that by increasing each person’s awareness and [improving their] behaviours towards environmental [protection], huge achievements will be [possible]. {achievements acheived sounds awkward}

[Dan_Pham]

Hi Mr Luschen, thank you very much for your helps. I really appreciate that. I hope I can do better in the next essay by avoiding the confusion and akwardness in the way I write as much as I could ^^ Have a great day!

[Shanthisethuraman]

Thanks for sharing nice Essay about environmental awareness. Apart from Government’s rules and law for improving environmental, Individual should follow the way of protecting the environment and keep everywhere from pollution or they should be punished by the Government if they are not co-operate with public. In our place also, some people are not separating the wastage, (Plastic, and others). Of course I could not find any correction in your essay, the topic you chosen is very good.