IELTS writing task 2- Please give me feedback and estimated Band Score please

**Hi everybody. I wrote an essay about health topic. I wonder your feedback and estimated band score. @Sumejja @tim_m **

It is generally thought that preventative measures are better than treatment and governments should give a large share to health education system and prevention for illnesses. I totally agree with that because measurements play a vital role in the matter of people’s health.

First of all, it should be known that healthcare system of country is connected to the county’s health budget. If government give a small share to the health system, we can easily say that people should be worry about their health. So, health education system and preventative measures should be given a large proportion from health budget. This is important because doctors, who take care of us, are an assurance for our health. Hence, they should be educated in the best universities. In addition, they should gain experience as working from early years. As a result, doctors can detect our illnesses or tell that what we should do if we do not want to be ill. For example, when we go to the hospital because of heartache, the doctor examines us. Then, if the doctor have a good education, he can say to us that we carry risk of hearth attack and should give up smoking. This is a good example why governments should give a large portion to the health education system.

When it comes to prevention, I think the vaccine is the crucial thing for measurement. The vaccine gives to people immunity. People, who are injected, are protected from illnesses thanks to the vaccine. Nowadays, Covid-19 cause a lot of people’s death all over the world. Although, scientists are working on develop the vaccine for this virus which is considered to be a solution, it hasn’t developed by scientists yet. If they had developed a vaccine for coronavirus, a lot of people would not have died. As you can see, preventative measures are extremely important for people’s life. Therefore, people, who lead the country, should spent lots of money on health education and preventative measures such as vaccines in order to provide a good life standard for their citizens.

In conclusion, I totally agree with that health education and preventative measures are necessary for a country and this can be provided thanks to doctors’ good education, developing a vaccine for various illnesses as well as spending lots of money on these topics by government.

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Hi Mehmet, we are going to give you some feedback on your latest submission in a while. In the meantime, you might want to become friends with @tizid:

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Hi @Torsten Did you have opportunity for analysing the essay?

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It’s hard to disagree with you. Unfortunately, not every country has a government that cares about the health of its citizens

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Hi Barbara, I would go as far as saying that only a handful of all countries have governments that care about the health and well being of their citizens.

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Hi, Torsten.
That would be a good topic for a university essay. I will call it “Medicine and Government in nowadays”. Rarely in what countries does the government provide a decent education for future medics, so few people want to go to medical university these days. Yes, I will definitely write an essay on this topic, but I will use an [online essay writer] service, I really want my essay to be top notch and impress my teacher. I have already contacted this service and was very satisfied with the result.

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Hi Barbara Romaxa, I have removed the link from your post because that’s sponsored content. Speaking of which, what I expect from a paid essay writing service is that they use AI as in this example:

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