Ielts Writing - Task 2. Please give me advice of using vocabularies and collocation in this topic. Thank you so much

Some people believe government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion.

Discuss both views and give your opinion .

Finding a method for easing traffic congestion has been a heated topic for controversy for a long time. Some pundits agree that construction of larger roads will be the answer to the issue. In my opinion, the better measure for this problem is that making an investment in subways and train infrastructure.

On the one hand, erecting new highways and widening existing roads would not tackle traffic jam properly due to two main reasons. First, having more lanes and highways could encourage citizens to travel more often since wider public transit allows the higher volume of traffic to flow smoothly. People, thus, are more likely to utilize their own vehicles, as private-owned cars are much more comfortable, faster, and more convenient. Second, this measure seems to be impractical and prohibitively expensive. Obviously, to widen major commuting roads, a government would have to demolish millions of buildings, cut down trees, and turn metropolitans into large concrete slaps.

On the other hand, traffic congestion is certainly addressed successfully by building subway systems and train tracks. The mode of transportation is capable of carrying hundreds of passengers simultaneously, as a result, the daily commuting demands will be eliminated in vast number. Shanghai Metro, for example, has capacity up to 300 passengers that reduce the number of daily commutes up to 30% in 2009. Also, subways or train runs on dedicated lines that are established separately from other systems, thus, they are hardly interrupted. Travellers tend to prioritize to opt for the subway as their basis means of transport due to its high level of punctuality.

In conclusion, while building more and larger roads is an inefficient measure, allocating finance on building subway infrastructure will be an effective and permanent measure to deal with traffic congestion.

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Hi Thao Dang, I gave a few suggested vocabulary words, but your main problem here is that you did not address the prompt correctly. This is a “discuss both views and give your opinion” prompt, but you have only given your own opinion and supported that side of the argument for your entire essay.
I must admit it is a good idea in a agree/disagree essay to give the drawbacks of the other option and the advantages of your option, but that format is not correct for this prompt. Here they are looking for the advantages of public transportation, then the advantages of building more roads, then your opinion on which option you support. Writing the wrong type of essay like this will severely bring down your band score, so be very careful in clearly understanding what the prompt is asking. Besides that, your English was very good apart from odd or awkward sounding phrases and some errors in usage. Here are some specific comments:

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That is my big mistake. Discussion essay is quite difficult for me to write in the first time. I read many sample essays, but I don’t know how to answer a prompt exactly. Thank you my leader to help me realize this mistake. And I rewrote it. I hope that I addressed the promt exactly

Finding a method for reducing the pressure on roads has been a heated topic generating controversy since the advent of the automobile. Many pundits raise a question about investing money on construction of subways and railways or extension of roadway systems can tackle this problem. This essay will discuss both sides in detail.

On the one hand, the extension and construction of roads will alleviate the roadway congestion problem in the short term. In fact, building additional lanes and new highways would add more capacity to road systems that allows traffic to flow more smoothly at the higher volume, especially in peak hours, and provide travellers alternative road to avoid crowd once traffic jam occurs. However, the circulating in high-capacity roads become easier than before, citizens are more likely to utilize their private cars as the individual vehicles are much more comfortable, faster, and more convenient than other public transit modes of travel, thereby the intensity of traffic will increase again. In brief, if this approach is implemented, the traffic congestion still persists in the long run.

On the other hand, many people believe that making an investment on railway and subway infrastructure will be a better measure for this problem. First, this mode of transportation is able to eliminate the density of passenger on the public transit since it is capable of carrying thousands of passengers simultaneously; as a result, the daily basic commuting demand will be met more efficiently than by building more roads. Second, because the train and subways run on the dedicated lines that are established separately from other system, sometimes outside urban or underground, they are rarely interrupted. Third, travellers tend to prioritize their time, so they opt for the subway as their basic means of transport due to its high level or punctuality.

In conclusion, while spending money on road infrastructure exclusively is the temporary measure to relieve the pressure on roads, I believe that funding on constructing subways and train tracks will be superior.

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Hi Thao Dang, I thought this effort was excellent. Really the only problem was that one sentence in your second body paragraph. High density is not the problem, it is actually the solution! Also, focussing on your opinion a little more in the conclusion by adding one more sentence would make it more clear to the grader that you have addressed all three parts of the prompt:

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