IELTS Writing Task 2 - Music

[nguyenhnb]

Hi everyone, please leave your thoughts and comments about my essay. Thanks a bunch!

Topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Essay:
Music is widely considered as an effective mean of closing the gap between different cultures and generations. I totally agree with this opinion and my reasons will be stated below.

The main reason why I think music can connect people coming from different cultural backgrounds is that everyone can fall in love with a song regardless of their origins. Although the lyrics can be written in various languages, one does not need to be fluent in a foreign language to benefit from the soothing effect of music. This is because melodies and rhythm constitute a form of a universal way of communicating, people can therefore find comfort in the same musical track in spite of the language barrier. For instance, a Chinese and a Spanish speaker can easily become friends at a Beatles’ concert thanks to their common admiration for the music of the British band.

In addition, people of all ages can be brought closer by their shared taste of music as there is no place for ageism in music. Admirers of a talented Vietnamese composer, Trinh Cong Son, would make a great case of this point. From students to people in their twilight years, they all enjoy the touching melody of Trinh’s works, resulting in the creation of many clubs of these like-minded people. In this way, people of various age groups have become closer, fostering a better understanding and communication across generations.

In conclusion, I completely agree that music can help us overcome the gap between people of different cultures and ages.

[Anglophile]

@nguyenhnb

I must say that your essay is wonderful. You have a good command of the Englsih language. (However, I may suggest a few changes so that it may bear a little better appearance)

Music is widely considered (or considered to be) an effective means of bridging the gap between different cultures and generations. I totally agree with this opinion and my reasons are stated below.

The main reason for me to think that music can connect people coming from different cultural backgrounds is that everyone will fall in love with a song regardless of their origin. Although the lyrics may be written in a language different from one’s own, one does not need to be fluent in that language to benefit from the soothing effect of music. This is because melodies and rhythms constitute a form of universal communication. People can, therefore, find comfort in the same musical track in spite of the language barrier. For instance, a Chinese and a Spaniard can easily become friends at a Beatles’ concert thanks to their common admiration for the music of the British band.

In addition, people of any age can be brought closer by their shared taste of music as there is no place for ageism in music. Admirers of the talented Vietnamese composer, Trinh Cong Son, would make a great case of this point. From students to people in their twilight years, all enjoy the touching melody of Trinh’s works, resulting in the creation of many clubs of these like-minded people. In this way, people of various age groups have become closer, fostering a better understanding and communication across generations.

In conclusion, I completely agree that music can help us overcome the gap between people of different cultures and ages and come closer to one another.

Keep writing. All the best.

[nguyenhnb]

I always find it difficult to paraphrase given words as well as my own expressions, especially under exam conditions. Your suggestions are therefore priceless for me to get a better control of the language.
Thank you very much!