Dear Teacher,
Please help to correct my writing and give some feedback for my essay IELTS writing task 2. Thank you very much!
Topic: Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People hold different views about how a country’s success is measured. While numerous governments regard economic progress as their ultimate goal, I agree with those who believe that other kinds of progress are equally vital for a nation.
On the one hand, it can be argued that economic development is the most crucial target for a country. Firstly, a thriving economy could enable a country to create more jobs for its citizens, thus people could enjoy a decent life with better incomes. Secondly, making good economic progress means that a government could have a larger national budget. This sum of money could be invested in upgrading the infrastructure such as the public transport system, allowing citizens to enjoy a much more convenient life. Finally, in this era of globalisation, it is possible for an affluent country to gain a stronger political influence and trading power on the global stage.
On the other hand, I would argue that other measures are as important as economic progress for a country. One significant measure is education. If a government attaches great importance on its education system such as offering free schooling, it can provide its citizens with more opportunities to acquire knowledge, secure well-paid jobs and eventually have a higher standard of living. Another key progress that a nation should strive to achieve is advancement in science. That is to say, having more innovations and breakthroughs in scientific fields such as medicine could allow a country to improve its public health or increase the life expectancy of the whole population. Furthermore, given the scientific growth, governments could stand a good chance of tackling many environment-related issues. In some European countries, for instance, various scientific applications have succeeded in alleviating climate change.
In conclusion, many people are of the opinion that economic development is the most crucial goal for a country. Nonetheless, I believe that other types of progress, namely education and scientific advancement, are equally vital for a nation.
Wow Duongan, this essay is your best so far. It is extremely clear and well organized. I still prefer the idea of having objective paragraphs for each side of the argument and then giving your viewpoint in a third, subjective paragraph. Still, your essay does address the prompt well and has very few errors. I like to make it easy to search for extremely well-written essays like this one on the forum, so I label really good ones like this super-duper. That way I can search for “super-duper” to locate the very best ones. Congratulations!
