What are the Effects of the Proportion of Older People on Society?
Hence the development of technologies and the increase of people’s assets, their life expectancy is prolonging all the way. Although old people also can make devotions to society, this demographic trend possibly lead to many problems.
The first problem relates to the ageing population is that the expenditure of health care will escalate, which put more burden on taxpayers. Also, most of the medical needs and fees happen in the last years of life. So the government has to spend much more funds on old people’s caring. And other essential services, like education, will have some financial issues. What’s more, slower pace of work would cause the other pessimistic situation, with a growing number of old workers. That is, jump seniors’ competency of handling troubles and absorbing information, while their age rises. As a result, the old employees’ postponing of retirement possibly impacts the efficiency and profits of the entrepreneurs.
From a different perspective, we know that many people put off retirement and extend their working life, by virtue of their experience and wisdom as a sort of wealth. People tend to live healthier and longer, for they attach much importance on dietary balance and physical exercise. Therefore, they can impart their knowledge and skills to young people as consultants. For instance, some seasoned administrators are adept to teach the trainees or the young people how to manage a company well and how to serve the service optimally.
To sum up, sharply wide postponement of life expectancy has already strained many countries’ health care and affect the output of their workforce. Whereas we can make the best of the elderly, it will still drag the economic progress.
Ps. Please advise or change any words you think are not suitable or good enough.
Hi, welcome to the forum and here are my suggestions. Is this for the TOEFL or IELTS or some other test? If so, if you state the test and include the entire prompt we can probably be more specific and helpful.
The first sentence is reason, and the latter is effect.
And for the contents which make you confused, I want to make some illustrations.
The former part of this composition is about the negative. And then we cannot just ignore the positive part. So we can make a final conclusion.
The question of this composition is"Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society." the trend means aging population.
So it is more objective to talk on both sides, in my opinion.
In fact, this is not written by me, but translated. It is from a book for IELTS test preparation. Because it is very popular in China and many people advocate it, I bought it. The first part is like translation , not writing. Just like you, at the beginning I also felt confused for the different standpoints. But after finished, I feel it is reasonable.
And I also want to know your opinions. Because I know my ideas are prone to be not objective
That is, When people are older, their competency of handling troubles and absorbing information decline.
I want to write an inverted sentence, but obviously I failed. T T
Ok, I understand better now. The problem is you used the transition “and” - … the government has to spend much more funds on old people’s caring. And other essential services, like education, will have some financial issues. Instead you need a cause and effect transition, like “Therefore” or “As a result” or “It follows”. So try something like this:
"Also, most of the medical needs and associated fees happen in the later years of life. As a result, the government has to spend much more funds on caring for old people. It follows that with elder care siphoning off large portions of the budget, other essential services, like education, will have some financial issues. "
Yes, I understood the overall structure of your essay. It made sense to me; I just had some problems understanding some words and sentences. I believe this is the prompt you were working from:
In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?
I agree that for this prompt, it makes sense to address both sides, as long as you come down in support of one side or the other - positive or negative.
So you are saying you did not write this essay, but you translated it into English?
Well, it sounds like you did a pretty good job right there - “That is, senior citizens’ competency in such tasks as solving unfamiliar problems and absorbing new information diminishes as their age rises.” You can also state it in the opposite order: “That is, as senior citizens become older, their competency in such tasks as solving unfamiliar problems and absorbing new information diminishes.”
Your sentences are so exact and smooth! There are always some obstacles in my expression. I find that I missed a lot of important details after I read your edition.
And in the IELTS writing book【Gu Jiabei Teach You How to Write Ielts Compositions Hand by Hand】 I can see the English answer, but those sentences are not so good as your sentences. E.g."In the last years of life " is also suggested by the author, but I don’t think it is as exact as your “in the later years of life”. It is a good book. However, there are a lot of Chinese language traces in his expression. And the author is said to be a New Zealand Ielts teacher, a Chinese man. Some readers think he is a fraud and some think he is very good.
I think his book is enough for 6.5. But I am not sure whether it is enough for higher grade.
Is it possible to have lessons with you? Because I really want a higher grade.
In the last three times’ examinations, I got 5.5, 6, 5(this time I was out of the topic).
But I really want a 7.
Due to the development of technologies and the increase in people’s assets, their life expectancy is prolonging significantly. Although old people can make valuable contributions to society, this demographic trend may possibly lead to many problems.
The first problem related to the aging population is that the expenditure on health care will escalate, which put more burden on taxpayers. Also, most of the medical needs and associated fees happen in the later years of life. As a result, the government has to spend much more funds on caring for old people. It follows that with elder care siphoning off large portions of the budget, other essential services, like education, will have some financial issues. What’s more, elders’ slower pace of work would cause another pessimistic situation, with a growing number of old workers. That is, senior citizens’ competency in such tasks as solving unfamiliar problems and absorbing new information diminishes as their age rises. As a result, the older employees’ postponing of retirement possibly impacts the efficiency and profits of the entrepreneurs.
From a different perspective, we know that many people put off retirement and extend their working life, by virtue of their experience and wisdom as a sort of wealth. The people who tend to live healthier and longer are those who attach much importance on dietary balance and physical exercise. Therefore, those senior citizens can impart their knowledge and skills to young people as consultants. For instance, some seasoned administrators are adept at teaching the trainees or the young people how to manage a company well and how to offer the service optimally.
To sum up, sharply wide prolonging of life expectancy has already strained many countries’ health care systems and affected the output of their workforce. Whereas we can make the best of the elderly, an excess of the older population will still drag down the economic progress.
Hi, I am confused about your post. What exactly are you asking?
In regards to “and” and “but”, some graders consider that conjunctions like these should be used only to connect words, phrases, and clauses, but not to begin sentences.
Uh, sorry for making you confused…I just conclude your suggestions and rearrange my composition after correcting. So I can see the key info more clear. ORZ
Thank you all the way. Thanks for your help!
