IELTS writing task 2 essay- I am waiting your feedback and estimated Band Score

English as a Second Language English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
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Hi everybody! I wrote this essay for all of us. Maybe you want to make some supplement. Eventually, I wonder your feedback and estimated band score.

News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?

There are people who decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. I think, things that public want to see and other some factors influence the news editors’ decisions. I strongly believe that, we used to bad news. In my view it would be better if we see more fine news.

There are many factors which influence the decisions of news editors. Firstly, public’s interest is essential for news editors. Because, editors want to be part of newspaper or TV programme which are most watched or most read. For example, nowadays Covid-19 virus is the most popular topic in the world. Everybody wonder their own country’s future and latest situation about the Covid-19 rather than weather condition or sport team. So, the news about Corona virus always take part of the television and newspaper. Secondly, news editors want to show that government’s wrong policies to the public. In other words, news editors think that people who support the government, should be aware of that. For instance, if the government receive more tax from people who are poor, editors will be take care of government’s attitude. Thirdly, some news editors want to manipulate the public. Because they think that their particular choice must be supported by the people. As give an example, news editors who work some TV programmes or newspapers do not support the government and they think that the country should be managed by another political party which is supported by them. So, news editors always broadcast good and hopeful news on TV about their supported party.

When comes to bad news, I can say that we used to it. Because, our reaction to bad news changed according to old days. In past, when we saw the soldier’s death who was killed by terrorists, we would cry. Anymore, we consider that soldier’s death is normal. We started to ignore human rights. Although all of these bad things, we need to smile nowadays. We should notice our behaviours which make us human such as smiling. For this reason, good news which remind us our humanity should be taken part in the media and newspapers.

In conclusion, public’s interest, wanting to show government’s wrong policy as well as wanting to manipulate the public are the most significant factors which affect the news editors’ decisions. In terms of bad news, it is clear that we used to it. Because, we see these news everywhere. Nevertheless, we should see better news because of noticing ourselves.

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There are a number of rather basic mistakes in your first paragraph and you will be better of if you start writing shorter and simple sentences using expressions you are certain exist.

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Thank you sir. What do you think about band score? I really wonder that

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Probably between 5 and 6.

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Thank you sir. @Torsten and I am waiting for your feedback as well @tim_m

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I do understand what you want to say with the following sentence but I think you try to rewrite it a bit.

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How can I rewrite sir? Can you give me an example? Also, to be honest, I do not know write introduction paragraph very well interested with essay which included yes/no questions like this essay. Can you help me about this topic?

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Hi Memo.
If you are working on writing articles in English, I recommend this page, I contacted them a few weeks ago and they helped me translate the texts.
Here you can find teachers who adapt to what you need.
I hope I’ve helped you.

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@Memo34, thanks for your post. I had a chance to read your essay and you seem to be on the right track. Some suggestions I have for you is to improve your organization a bit. I like your second paragraph because it does a good job breaking down three examples of what influences news reporter. Though I think your third paragraph could do a better job comparing bad news and good news. Maybe you could discuss the costs and benefits of the two and conclude with what you think is the right balance between good and bad news and what is best for the public. Your conclusion could also be improved, too. Try to tie all of your main points into a more concise summary. Your conclusion should answer the question: so what? (what main point are you trying to make in your essay?) For example, the factors you discussed that influence news reporters. You could discuss what type of relationship these factors have on the news reported, whether good and bad. Covid-19 is an example you raised that could be used to bridge the two paragraphs. For instance, there’s a public interest in receiving accurate and up to date information on the pandemic. While it may seem like bad news, it’s also good news in that the public is safer thanks to the news report.

Let me know what you think! If you have any questions let me know. Good luck and good work.

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Thank you sir for your exhaustive response. Thank you very much. I really appreciate for your help.

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