“Graduating from high school, the young often wonder whether they ought to keep on studying further or not. Many people suppose that continuing to study at university or college can be the best way to guarantee their successful career, whereas others believe working right after school is much better.
Working straight after graduation is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, young people are able to earn money as soon as possible. If they finish high school, they will be mature enough to live independently on their own income. It is common sense that having a job can prove one’s maturity. Secondly, a person who chooses to get a job instead of studying higher is likely to progress rapidly in their career. This may bring about a good chance to obtain a lot of real experience and skills for their chosen profession.
On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why people have a tendency of choosing to continue education after high school. First, a college education will provide young people with more qualifications, which is what most employers expect these days. University graduates will probably get a much higher salary than those without university education. Furthermore, the job market is becoming more and more competitive. In fact, people would be well-advised to get a degree, as hundreds of applicants often chase the top jobs. It is an obvious advantage for university graduates. For example, graduate engineers in Vietnam are highly paid and find it easy to get a top job
In conclusion, it seems evident that both working right after school and choosing to continue higher study are advantageous in their own ways.”
Hi, I think you have done a good job of addressing the prompt correctly. You have an effective format, with one body paragraph for each viewpoint and you have avoiding adding your own opinion, which is correct. You have some relevant ideas, but your paragraphs are not really developed. It reads more like a list of reasons without much support in the form of explanation or examples. Some specific examples or facts would really go a long way in making your paragraphs more convincing. Also, you don’t have enough transition phrases to tie your sentences together and some of the transitions you do have are not really correct. Here is a list of transitions I generated that may be helpful: Toefl study group - #32 by Luschen Your writing itself is pretty clear, with only a few odd-sounding phrases. Here are some specific suggestions: