Please help me with this essay. Thank you so so much!
Topic: Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
The phenomenon that many offenders keep violating the laws even when they have served a sentence is a major concern of today’s society. There are many significant reasons could explain for the case of re-committing crime and a number of solutions could be taken in order to tackle this problem.
Criminals, who have served a sentence, continue to break the law because of many reasons. The first explanation for this case is therapies which are undergone by offenders might be not effective enough. Consequently, they could not aware of the severe repercussion of re-committing crime which could make them face capital punishment or life imprisonment. Second, the difficulty in reintegrating back into society could be a reason for the case. To be more specific, it could be hard for released criminals to find a job, for example, many organizations like schools might not recruit a teacher who has a criminal record.
To address this problem, there are many solutions could be taken. First, governments could offer tougher punishments such as severe corporal punishments. This measure might act as a deterrent that criminals would affair of suffering these punishments and as a result deny to commit the crime again. Another measure is organizing some awareness-raising events for dwellers, which could eliminate their critical thoughts toward people who have served a sentence. Consequently, released criminals would find it easier to rehabilitate.
To conclude, there are many reasons explain for the case of re-committing the crime of offenders who have suffered a punishment. With the purpose of tackling this problem, solutions such as offering tough punishments and holding events to educate residents should be taken.
Hi Tra Thuu, I think you have done a great job of addressing the prompt here.
As you recognize, this is a “two-part” prompt, and you correctly gave the explanations in the first body paragraph and possible solutions in the second. I think it might be a little more effective if your solutions specifically addressed the causes you have given. This is somewhat true for your second explanation/solution pair, but not really for your first one.Your writing was generally clear to me, but there were a couple odd-sounding phrases and some minor errors in usage. Here are some additional comments:
I was thinking that the ideas that I put in the first paragraph were too general As examiners might want to know why many schools don’t recruit teachers who have criminal records.
As examiners might want to know why many schools don’t recruit teachers who have criminal records.