IELTS Writing task 1- Process

[kelvincumberbatch]

Dear teacher,
Please help me check this IELTS Writing task 1 Report
It is written by my friend.

The given diagram illustrates the process of producing bricks in an industrial way of performing in factories.
This process divided into seven main steps, each required tools and additional elements such as specific times and temperatures to complete. The starting procedure is to collect dirt that contains material for making bricks. The ending of the process is the distribution products.
At the first stage of the manufacturing process, clay and other materials mixing in the dirt will be dug out by the crane. After that, the dirt will go through a stage called filtering, in which, they will be placed on a metal grid and those that had appropriate sizes will fall through the grid, onto the roller, the rolling platform will transfer them to the next stage. They then will be mixed with sand and water before being delivered to the third stage, in this procedure, because the clay is not in solid form, they are easily shapable, the machine will pore them into a mould that has the shape of a bricks or push them through a rectangular tunnel and then been sliced into piece of bricks by the wire cutter. The followed stage is to stack them up and let them dried for about 24 to 48 hours in the drying oven.
At the fifth stage of the process, bricks are put in a chain of kiln machines, each have different temperatures, the first kiln is set in moderate temperature from 200 degrees to 980 degrees, following that is the kiln with high temperature from 670 degrees to 1300 degree, after the heating process, bricks are being left to cool down in a cooling chamber for 48 to 72 hours. Once they have reached normal temperature to be handled, the bricks will be pack in large cube ready to be delivered. The finishing stage is been transported to different places by trucks.

[Luschen]

Hi, welcome Kelvin’s friend! You have a lot of friends Kelvin
I think this report is good, although it is quite long. That is not really a problem, but it might be tough to write all of this in the allotted time. I think these sequence processes are a little easier to write than some of the others though. You could probably have gotten by with only a single sentence summary. Also, many of your tenses are incorrect. Still, your writing is clear and very accurate, so I think you have done a pretty good job. Here are some specific suggestions:

@kelvincumberbatch

The given diagram illustrates the process of producing bricks in an industrial way of performing in factories.
This process [is] divided into seven main steps, [with] each [requiring] tools and additional elements such as specific times and temperatures to complete. The starting [first] procedure is to collect dirt that contains material for making bricks. {you have to use the term “clay” - it is given right there in the diagram. Also state that a digger is used to collect the clay} The [final step] of the process is the distribution [of the finished product]. {If you want to include this in your introduction, use a shorter summary - “The seven steps begin with collecting the clay and end with distributing the finished bricks.”
At the first stage of the manufacturing process, clay and other materials [mixed] in the dirt will be dug out by the crane. After that, the dirt {it is unclear to me that it is dirt - I think it may all be clay} will go through a stage called filtering, {how do you know it is called “filtering”? Maybe it is called “screening” - be careful when adding information that is not actually in the diagram} in which, [it] will be placed on a metal grid and [pieces that have] appropriate sizes will fall through the grid, onto the roller, [at which point] the rolling platform {this is called a conveyor belt, or you can just use “roller” as in the diagram} will transfer them to the next stage. [It] then will be mixed with sand and water before being delivered to the third stage[. In] this procedure, because the clay is not in solid form, [the brick material is] {or “the mixture is”} easily shapable, [so] the machine will [pour] [it] into a mould that has the shape of a [brick] or push [it] through a rectangular tunnel and then [slice it into individual bricks] by [a] wire cutter. The [following] stage is to stack them up and let them [dry] for about 24 to 48 hours {1 to 2 days would be a good restatement} in the drying oven.
At the fifth stage of the process, bricks are put in a chain of [kilns], each [having] different temperatures[;] the first kiln is set [at a] {or "to a "} moderate temperature from 200 degrees to 980 degrees[. F]ollowing that is the kiln with [a ]high temperature from 670 degrees to 1300 degrees[. After] the heating process, bricks are being left to cool down in a cooling chamber for 48 to 72 hours. {once again, 2 to 3 days} Once they have reached [a ]normal temperature to be handled, the bricks will be [packed] in [a ]large cube ready to be delivered. The [final/last] stage is [being] transported to different places by trucks.

[kelvincumberbatch]

Dear teacher,

Thank you very much for your time.