IELTS Writing task 1 Process


Dear teacher,
Please help me with this IELTS Writing task 1 report.

Thank you,
The diagram describes how bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Overall,there are 7 main steps to produce bricks beginning with clay that is dug and ending with bricks.
The first stage is when the large amount of clay is dug up by the digger. Once the excavation,it is smashed into small pieces and then put on the roller. After that, the clay is mixed with water and sand and it is subsequently shaped by the mould or the mixture is cut in the shape of bricks by the wore cutter. Afterward, the bricks are put in the drying oven from 1 to 2 days.
Having been dried in the oven , the bricks are removed to the kiln in order to heat at the moderate temperature from 200C to 980C. At the following stage, the bricks continue to be heated at a high temperature between 870C and 1300C and then the bricks are removed to the cooling chamber from 2 to 3 days. After cooling the bricks, they are packaged and delivered.

And the second essay is:

The diagram describes how bricks are made for the building industry.
Overall, the process of producing includes 7 main stages, beginning with digging the clay and ending with delivering the bricks to customers.
At the first stage of the process, the clay is dug by a digger. After that, it is put through a metal grid to get rid of oversized pieces, the suitable one is placed on a roller for the next stage. At the following stage, the clay is blended with sand and water and is then shaped into bricks in two ways: either it is put in a wire cutter or a mould is used. Having shaped this way, the bricks are subsequently sent to a drying oven where it is dehydrated from 1 to 2 days.
Once the bricks are dry, it is treated in three steps: at first the bricks are put in a kiln at moderate temperature and high temperature afterwards, then the bricks are placed in cooling chamber within 2-3 days. The process ends when the bricks are packed until it is ready to be delivered to clients.

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Hi Kelvin, I thought this was a pretty good description. Watch out for your use of articles though.
The first time you mention a new process, you need to use “a”, not “the”. Then, if you mention the process again, “the” is correct. Here are some additional suggestions:

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Dear teacher,

Thank you very much.

Please give me some feedback on the second report.

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