IELTS Writing Task 1: Pie Chart 2

[kelvincumberbatch]

Dear teacher,

Please help me check my friend’s report.

Thank you very much.

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of three different age groups, which is 5 to 14 years old group, 15 to 59 years old and over 60 years old group between Yemen and Italy in 2000 and a future prediction of the year 2050.
Overall, it is clear that Italy has the most population that over 60 years old in 2000. And till 2050, Italy’s population of those who are over 60 years old will reach nearly half the proportion of its citizens.
The similarities between Yemen and Italy in 2000 till the year 2050 fall in the group of 5 to 14 years old and over 60 years old. A group from 5 to 14 years old of Yemen in 2000 is 50.1% and in 2050, it decreases to 37%. The same trend can be seen in Italy. In 2000, citizens age from 5 to 14 account for 14.3%, in 2050, it has declined to 11.5%. Next group is those who are over 60 years old, two countries share the same old aging population problem but Italy suffered more. In Yemen, people who are over the age of 60 constituted 2.6%, till 2050, this proportion will increase to 5.7%. In Italy, the number of people who are over 60 had taken up a large amount of 24.1% in 2000, and in 2050, this number increase to 42.3%.
The different between Yemen and Italy is the group between 15 to 59 years old. In Yemen, this group account for 46.3% in 2000 but will be increased to 57.3% in 2050. In contrast, this group has a downward trend in Italy. In 2000, people from the age of 15 to the age of 59 constituted for 61.6% but will drop for 15.4%, which is 46.2%.

[Luschen]

Hi, I think this report could have been more clear. When you say Yemen and
Italy are alike in the 5 to 14 and over 60 groups, it is confusing.
You mean these groups are expected to change in the same directions, but the actual values will still be greatly different between the two countries.
The main point is that Italy’s population was already quite old in 2000 and is expected to shift to become even older, while Yemens’ population was extremely young and although it will shift to be somewhat older, it will still be a much younger society than Italy’s in the year 2050. Also it might be better to divide the age groups up in your summary by stating that they correspond to children, adults of working age, and senior citizens. These groups would be easier to refer to than constantly saying “the group aged 15 to 59 years” and so on. Also, remember that 2000 was the past and 2050 is the future, so you won’t be able to use any simple present tense in this report.
Here are some additional comments:

@kelvincumberbatch

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of three different age groups, which is [the] 5 to 14 years old group, 15 to 59 years old and over 60 years old group[,] [within] Yemen and Italy in 2000 and a future prediction of the year 2050.
Overall, it is clear that Italy [had] the most [ a greater proportion of] population that [was] over 60 years old in 2000 [than did Yemen]. And [by] 2050, Italy’s [proportion] of those who are over 60 years old will reach nearly half the [population] of its citizens.
The similarities between Yemen and Italy in 2000 till the year 2050 fall in the group of 5 to 14 years old and over 60 years old. {this is very unclear to me} [The] group [of those] 5 to 14 years old [in]fYemen in 2000 [was] 50.1% and [by] 2050, it [is expected to decrease] to 37%. The same trend can be seen in Italy. In 2000, citizens [aged] from 5 to 14 [accounted] for 14.3%, [while] in 2050, it [should decline] to 11.5%. [The] Next group is those who are over 60 years old[; the] two countries share the same old aging population problem but Italy [will suffer] more.{“problem” and “suffer” seem too subjective for this type of report - a country does not objectively suffer by having a lot of older people} In Yemen, people who are over the age of 60 constituted 2.6% [in 2000, but by] 2050, this proportion will increase to 5.7%. In Italy, the number of people who are over 60 had taken up a large amount [was already large, at] 24.1% in 2000, and in 2050, this number [will have increased] to 42.3%.
The [difference] between Yemen and Italy is the group between 15 to 59 years old. In Yemen, this group [accounted] for 46.3% in 2000 but will [have] increased to 57.3% in 2050. In contrast, this group has a downward trend in Italy. In 2000, people from the age of 15 to the age of 59 constituted for 61.6% [of the total,] but [this proportion ]will drop for 15.4%, [to] 46.2% [by the year 2050].

[kelvincumberbatch]

@Luschen

Hi, I think this report could have been more clear. When you say Yemen and
Italy are alike in the 5 to 14 and over 60 groups, it is confusing.
You mean these groups are expected to change in the same directions, but the actual values will still be greatly different between the two countries.
The main point is that Italy’s population was already quite old in 2000 and is expected to shift to become even older, while Yemens’ population was extremely young and although it will shift to be somewhat older, it will still be a much younger society than Italy’s in the year 2050. Also it might be better to divide the age groups up in your summary by stating that they correspond to children, adults of working age, and senior citizens. These groups would be easier to refer to than constantly saying “the group aged 15 to 59 years” and so on. Also, remember that 2000 was the past and 2050 is the future, so you won’t be able to use any simple present tense in this report.
Here are some additional comments:

kelvincumberbatch:

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of three different age groups, which is [the] 5 to 14 years old group, 15 to 59 years old and over 60 years old group[,] [within] Yemen and Italy in 2000 and a future prediction of the year 2050.
Overall, it is clear that Italy [had] the most [ a greater proportion of] population that [was] over 60 years old in 2000 [than did Yemen]. And [by] 2050, Italy’s [proportion] of those who are over 60 years old will reach nearly half the [population] of its citizens.
The similarities between Yemen and Italy in 2000 till the year 2050 fall in the group of 5 to 14 years old and over 60 years old. {this is very unclear to me} [The] group [of those] 5 to 14 years old [in]fYemen in 2000 [was] 50.1% and [by] 2050, it [is expected to decrease] to 37%. The same trend can be seen in Italy. In 2000, citizens [aged] from 5 to 14 [accounted] for 14.3%, [while] in 2050, it [should decline] to 11.5%. [The] Next group is those who are over 60 years old[; the] two countries share the same old aging population problem but Italy [will suffer] more.{“problem” and “suffer” seem too subjective for this type of report - a country does not objectively suffer by having a lot of older people} In Yemen, people who are over the age of 60 constituted 2.6% [in 2000, but by] 2050, this proportion will increase to 5.7%. In Italy, the number of people who are over 60 had taken up a large amount [was already large, at] 24.1% in 2000, and in 2050, this number [will have increased] to 42.3%.
The [difference] between Yemen and Italy is the group between 15 to 59 years old. In Yemen, this group [accounted] for 46.3% in 2000 but will [have] increased to 57.3% in 2050. In contrast, this group has a downward trend in Italy. In 2000, people from the age of 15 to the age of 59 constituted for 61.6% [of the total,] but [this proportion ]will drop for 15.4%, [to] 46.2% [by the year 2050].

Dear teacher,
I really appreciate your help.
Thank you very much,