Ielts Writing - essay

Hi leaders, please help me check this essay, thank you so much. :slight_smile:

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs.
Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

Parents nowadays have to struggle to pay for a great deal of money for their children’s education; therefore, the government should introduce certain types of financial aid to support children. Although it may bring downsides for students, the returns are highly justifiable.

On the one hand, this strategy might have several disadvantages. First, since students do not have to pay tuition fees, they may not appropriate the effort of school and teachers make, which leads to the disrespect and improper attitudes to their education. For example, they may not fulfill tasks given by their teachers, or even plat truant from important lessons. In addition, students are less likely to have available for individualized instructions from teachers within public schools. In fact, due to governmental fund on education, many students including pupils from impoverished families have equal educational opportunities, thus, the class size will certainly expand that leads to a shortage of time for the teacher to support their students, especially average ones. As a result, this could increase the disparity in student’s academic achievement.

On the other hand, subsidization from the government to education offer immense benefits to society. By providing free education, children coming from poor socio-economic background can enter school that would result in the reduction of illiteracy rate. Consequently, this would create skilled workforce to satisfy the demand for job market. Furthermore, more study chances are given, fewer criminals the country will have. Since most of the students are educated in government-funded schools, it is possible for them to find a good job after leaving school. They, hence, are less likely to get involved in crimes such burglaries, or pickpocket.

In conclusion, although financing for adult’s education comes at a price, the advantages still outweigh disadvantages. Offering free education to children may stimulate the growth of society.


Hi Nancy, I think you have addressed the prompt well, but your essay does not make it clear enough why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It is good to give these advantages and disadvantages as you have done, but I think it would be more effective to show that the disadvantages can be easily overcome. You could simply add one sentence after each disadvantage. Like, “… from important lessons. Nevertheless, pursuing modern teaching methods that are successful in grabbing students’ attention will go a long way towards addressing this problem of disinterest.” and “… academic achievement. Still, this is not really a disadvantage of publicly funded education, but a disadvantage of meager education budgets. Acknowledging the importance of education by devoting adequate budgets to the educational system will easily solve these shortcomings.” By adding these sentences you make it very clear that the advantages are real and the disadvantages can be easily overcome. Besides, this, your writing was clear and understandable for the most part, although you do have a few errors in grammar and sentence structure: