Hello again, I try to describe more detail in my essay. But I think there is still some efforts I need to work with. Please help me this essay, thank you.
Q: People can live and work anywhere they want to choose because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?
Over the past few decades, new communication technology such as skype and advanced transportation have had a huge impact on working and living location. Despite the number of disadvantages associated with these influence such as losing connection with family, I strongly suggest that the advantages are more influential, as I will first explain.
First of all, because of the communication software is developing rapidly, People from different countries can work together. In one instance, my company used skype to communicate and solve problems with our partners in America which is in the different time zone. This is very convenient and time-saving. Secondly, anyone can choose living outside the crowded cities thanks for the rapid development of transportation. One particular good example of this is, in Taiwan, People who live outside the city using high speed railway to commute to their working space. They can enjoy several benefits such as lower living-cost and bigger living space.
On the other hand, there are few drawbacks of when people living and working anywhere. Some people favor living in other countries because they can learn other culture, but they may lose their connection with family. One of my friends choosing to study abroad in New York, she experienced many feelings, which included home-sick and frustration. Which means that choosing where to live or work is a complicate situation.
Although there still are some downsides with wherever people want to stay, I still conceive that the advantages of novel communication and transportation outweigh disadvantages.
Hi Sophia, I thought your writing was better in this one - I liked your example about your friend. I would try to include more personal examples like this.
I don’t know if this is a very good prompt, to be honest with you. The prompt says “do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?”
To me, it is not crystal clear exactly what “development” the prompt is referring to. My best guess would be that the development is “people living and working anywhere they choose to”. When a prompt is not as clear as it might be, I think the best response is to clearly state in your introduction what you read the prompt as asking. Instead, I think your introduction makes things even more fuzzy instead of clarifying the topic. I could not really tell if you were discussing the advantages of communication or the advantages of living wherever you want. In your first body paragraph you seem to discuss both - first you talk about how useful Skype is, and then you talk about lower cost of living and more space. I think your second point is what the prompt is asking, but you seem to be mixing and matching, so your entire essay is somewhat unclear. I don’t know if I would stress out that much about this essay though, since as I said, I don’t think the prompt is the best. Here are some specific comments: