Please help me review my essay. Thanks
Topic:
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
My essay:
It is true that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world. Music is a vital role in human cultures for a range of reasons, and I would believe that traditional music is more important than international music.
First of all, no one can deny that music has a big role in everyone’s life. It inspires us, relaxes our minds, lets us forgive our anxieties and helps relieve tensions. For example, a person might get stressed and tired at work and music can act as the magic to relieve their tiredness. Also, it is one of the best way to keep people awake when they are long distances. Second, music with rich lyrics can enhance our intellectual experience and stimulate our emotions. Finally, music is a global language which connects people, inspires us and creates a unique form of entertainment that is not only refreshing but also educational.
In my opinion, traditional music should be valued over the international music that has become so popular nowadays. International music is often catchy and fun but it is essentially a commercial product that is marketed and sold by mutinational businesses, while traditional music expresses the culture, customs and history of a country. For example, the classical music of a country connects us to the past and forms part of cultural identity. It would be a real pity if international pop music became so predominant that these national styles can face the risks of being neglected.
In conclusion, music is an important part of most societies and I believe that traditional music is more important than international music as it helps preserve good values and traditions of a country
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Topic:
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your essay
It is true that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world. Music plays a vital role in human cultures for a range of reasons, and I believe that traditional music is more important than international music.
First of all, no one can deny that music has a big role in everyone’s life. It inspires us, relaxes our minds, lets us forget our anxieties and helps relieve our tensions. For example, a person might get stressed and tired at work, and music can act as magic to relieve their weariness. Also, it is one of the best ways to keep people awake when they are on long distances. Second, music with rich lyrics can enhance our intellectual experience and stimulate our emotions. Finally, music is a global language which connects people, inspires them and creates a unique form of entertainment that is not only refreshing but also educative.
In my opinion, traditional music should be valued over international music which has become so popular nowadays. International music is often catchy and fun but it is essentially a commercial product that is marketed and sold by multinational businesses, while traditional music expresses the culture, customs and history of a country. For example, the classical music of a country connects us to the past and forms part of cultural identity. It would be a real pity if international pop music became so predominant that these national styles should face the risk of being neglected.
In conclusion, music is an important part of life in most societies and I believe that traditional music is more appealing than international music as it helps preserve good values and traditions of a country. Music, after all, is the food love!
(I have ended your essay with an allusion to the Bard of Avon. The essay is good and well-written)
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Hi Anglophile,
"Music is a global language which connects people, inspires them and creates a unique form of entertainment that is not only refreshing but also educative.
In this sentence, why don’t we use educational instead of educative? Can you help me explain more?
Thanks
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That’s a good question on your word modified by me.
The word educative means capable of educating while educational means relating to education.
Though they are used more or less like synonyms, people like me may try to distinguish the subtle difference between the two. But even if you use educational, it may not affect the flow of reading as much as I may fear.
Nevertheless, thanks for raising the question.
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Hi Anglophile,
Thanks. I understand your explanation and I have a question as below:
Music plays a vital role in human cultures for a range of reasons. You modified plays a vital role instead of be a vital role
I think these words are used like sysnonyms. Do you think so?
" be a vital role = play an important part= has/have a big role".
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“Music plays a vital role in …” is a better collocation than “Music is a vital role in …”
“Music has a vital role in …” is also acceptable.
Most usually, we do not find the structure with a BE verb.
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