Hi admin, could you please help me check this essay and rate it in IELTS bandscore. Thank you in advance!
Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
It is true that some dangerous sports such as skiing and sky diving may cause severe injuries to the participants. However, I totally disagree with the idea that people should impose a ban on these sports.
To begin with, extreme sports are not always hazardous. Firstly, when people take up a dangerous sport like car racing or board skating, there is a wide variety of protecting equipment such as helmets, gloves which can prevent them from being hurt. Secondly, a lot of safety procedures and regulations will be applied and players are likely to comply with them. For example, prior to taking part in motor rally, all the athletics must put on helmets and go over the safety rules thoroughly. Finally, scientists have been conducting many experiments in recent years so as to improve the quality of supporting tools and facilities that safeguard players.
Moreover, I believe that it is wrong to prohibit as well as it is also feasible to introduce a ban to extreme sports. People have right to enjoy the sports they are into whether they are risky or not as they have free of choice. Furthermore, challenging sports enable many people to release life pressure. For instance, after 8 hours working at the office, a lot of staff are exhausted , therefore joining in a high speed car race or mountain hiking will partly mitigate their psychological problems. In addition, if the authorities impose the prohibition against extreme sports, there are a number of sport organizations can be affected and a lot of athletics will have no competition to enroll.
To recapitulate, extreme sports may cause fatal accidents, however, it is untrue to prevent people from doing these sports for different reasons
Hi, sorry for my delay. I need to check the forum a little more frequently. Your writing is very good except for that first sentence in your second body paragraph. The rest of your essay is very clear with an easy to understand structure, but I could nto really figure out what you were saying with that sentence. With that one fixed, I think this would score a band 7, but as it stands, I would score it somewhat lower.