Ielts task 1 bar chart: number of workers from tourisim sector

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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employment in tourisim sector
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My essay:

The numbers of jobs in four categories of the tourism sector in a particular city in the UK for five-year intervals between 1989 and 2009 are plotted on the bar chart. The job categories are restaurant workers, hotel staff, sport and leisure jobs, and employment in travel and tours.

Overall, except for 1994, the rank order was the same, with the restaurant sector employing the most workers, followed by hotels, sport and leisure, and then travel and tours. There were fewer jobs in the tourism industry in 2009 compared to 1989, as the rise in restaurants was more than offset by the drop in the other three.

In detail, the range of values among them was the smallest in 1989, with a 300 difference between the highest (1,100, restaurants) and the lowest (800, travel and tours). That was only nearly one-third of the highest, about 920 in 2004 when there were 1600 restaurant workers, the highest value on the chart. Generally, there were more hotel than travel and tour workers, but their patterns were highly correlated; both peaked in 1994, at 1400 and 1070 in 1994, respectively, and then decreased stepwise every five years, ending at 1050 and 470 staff. In contrast, hotel employment fell to its lowest point in 1994, from 900 to 670, before reaching its maximum in 1999 (1070). Since then, it had the same pattern, the end value being 700.

Thanks a lot!!

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The bar chart shows the number of jobs in four categories of the tourism sector in a given city in the United Kingdom for five-year periods between 1989 and 2009. The job categories are restaurant workers, hotel workers, sports and leisure employment, and travel and tourism employment.

With the exception of 1994, the overall ranking remained the same: restaurant employment employed the most workers, followed by hotels, sports and recreation, and finally travel and tourism. Compared to 1989, there were fewer jobs in the tourism industry in 2009, as increases in the hospitality industry were more than offset by decreases in the other three sectors.

Specifically, the spread between the 1989 values was the smallest, with a difference of 300 between the highest (1,100, restaurants) and the lowest (800, travel and tourism). This was only nearly one-third of the highest value, about 920 in 2004, when there were 1,600 hospitality workers, the highest value in the table. In general, there were more employees in hotels and restaurants than in travel, but the trend was closely correlated; both sectors peaked in 1994 at 1400 and 1070 employees, respectively, and then gradually declined every five years until they finally ended at 1050 and 470 employees, respectively. In contrast, hotel employment fell to its lowest point in 1994 (from 900 to 670) before peaking in 1999 (1070). Since then, the trend has followed the same pattern, ending at 700.

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Thank you very much. After I read your rewriting, it sounds so much smoother. But I don’t know if some of the phrases that you corrected are either ungrammatical or poor word choices. It is a little bit confusing. For example:

but the trend was closely correlated instead of but their patterns were highly correlated: does the trend mean the same as their patterns?

both sectors peaked in 1994 at 1400 and 1070 employees, respectively, and then gradually declined every five years until they finally ended at 1050 and 470 employees, respectively. Can we omit the word “respectively” at the final of the sentence as it is already mentioned once?

the highest value on the chart=the highest value in the table: this is not a table though.

as the rise in restaurants was more than offset by the drop in the other three.= Compared to 1989, there were fewer jobs in the tourism industry in 2009, as increases in the hospitality industry were more than offset by decreases in the other three sectors. I am really confused by the use of ‘the” and plural noun here. Would you mind explaining it, please?

the rank order=the overall ranking remained the same: is “the rank order” wrong, or you can use them interchangeably? Or it must be “the ranking order”?

restaurant employment=the restaurant sector: ARE THESE TWO INTERCHANGEABLE?

hotel workers, sports and leisure employment, and travel and tourism employment= IS IS WRONG TO USE “hotel staff, sport and leisure jobs, and employment in travel and tours”

THE HOSPITALITY INDUSTRY includes many businesses that fall under this large umbrella, such as hotels, motels, resorts, restaurants, theme parks, and much more. I searched for the meaning of “hospitality industry “ and figured that it also includes the hotel sector, so i don’t know if we can use this for only the restaurant sector.

Thank you very much!

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Please read this:

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That is really incredible. But in my country, Vietnam
, the private English teaching institutions require their teachers to score a 6.5 or more on their IELTS test. Since I want to be a teacher at those institutions, I have to perfect my skill in taking this outdated test. Thank you a lot for your kindness.

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