Could you please evaluate my letter in IELTS band 0-9.
Please let me know where do I need to improve.
Write a letter to hotel manager praising a staff member
*** explain the situation**
*** what they did**
*** what you want manager to do.**
Dear Sir,
Last week me along with some of my friends celebrated my birthday party in your hotel.I am writing this letter to thanks for wonderful evening that we had.
Firstly, all of us enjoyed the party.The weather was warm and healthy.Food was delicious and tasty.Quality of service was excellent.Especially,our waiter, whose name was James ,friendly and efficient.Music system was up-to-date and we enjoyed most of songs.All in all, this was unforgettable event for us.
I just wanted to share one thing so that popularity of our restaurant goes up-to several notches.One of my friend was vegetarian so it was very difficult for him while choosing dishes. Due to this ,he finished his dinner with some snacks and potato chips.If there is sufficient vegetable dishes are made available then that would be great.
Once again thank you for making my birthday event memorable for all of us.We will re-visit your restaurant soon.
Hi Deepak, I don’t think your letter quite answered the demands of the prompt. Your entire letter should focus on a particular staff member who went above and beyond the call of duty to make your experience pleasant.
You did mention your waiter James, but only very briefly. You stated he was friendly and efficient, but that does not really “explain the situation” or “what they did”. Furthermore, when the prompt states “what you want the manager to do” it means how do you think this staff member should be recognized or rewarded for doing such a good job. Your letter shows you didn’t really understand this part of the prompt either.
Your letter itself is not too bad, you have the proper format and your sentences are clearly written. You do have a lot of short, choppy sentences that would sound better if they were combined along with suitable transition phrases. Nevertheless, if you do not address the prompt correctly in the first place, there is no way for this letter to get a good score. I am afraid your task achievement score might only be a four for this letter.
