IELTS essay - Violence in society

Hi Luschen,

Could you please rate my below essay between IELTS band(0 to 9).

Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment.

How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

From last few days, violence in society is increased at an alarming rate. While some people hold an opinion that because of unemployment, violence in the community is increased, I believe that media has a major impact on spreading violence in society.

At the onset, unemployment is one of the reasons for violence. This is because in a densely populated country like India people who are below the poverty line are not benefitted from employment opportunities due to lack of skills and qualification. Due to lack of money, these people struggled with basic needs such as food, shelter and clothes and many times they are criticized by society. As a result, to fulfill needs, these people do not have any option apart from loot and theft in society, which caused violence amongst people.

Sometimes serials and news on television and cinemas are responsible for spreading violence across society. There are a number of songs and news broadcasted on a daily basis, which deliver messages to people. Some news is full of racial overtones, flamboyant speeches, which are detrimental to maintain a healthy environment in society. A number of cinemas released on a weekly basis and some of them are responsible for clashes between the two communities. The movie, Gadar, for instance, when that was released, at many places, movie was responsible for clashes between Hindus and Muslims because some part in the movie based on religious activities for the Muslim people and the movie was released without censoring that part.

To conclude, although unemployment caused violence in society, as per my opinion, media has a major impact on spreading violence in community this is because it is human’s tendency to believe in what we can see and hear and then act accordingly.


Hi Deepak, I would rate your essay at band 5. You use a number of expressions such as

that don’t exist in English.

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Hi Torsten,

Thanks for the feedback. Could you please share some material for reference so that I can avoid my repetitive mistakes.
That would be helpful for me.



Hi Deepak, I think what helps is if you create some kind of listening comprehension training plan. You should aim for at least 30 hours of audio input per month, better more. Look up any words or phrases that are new to you and use them in forum posts to make sure you have learned how to use them correctly. Please let me know if this make sense to you.

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