IELTS Essay: Life now is better than it was 100 years ago.

[Viki250]

Hello Luschen,

I am new to this group. I am preparing for IELTS Academics and having difficulty in assessing my writing skills for IELTS Writing module. I have seen your posts and felt really happy the way you help on this forum. Really, many thanks in advance! God Bless you !

Below is my attempt to a sample Essay. I will be grateful if you may review this Essay. Many thanks:

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Life now is better than it was 100 years ago.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Living a happy life is a dream of every human being. Most of the ease and cure what we enjoy today was not possible once. That being said, it is agreed that life today is better than what it was about 100 years ago. This will be proven by analyzing, that how a technology has changed the way people connects’, as well as, the advancement in medical science for curing certain disases which was not able to cure before 100 years ago.

Hundred years ago, it was quite difficult to communicate with a person living in other part of the world. For example, if someone had an emergency case and wants to update his friend instantly, then it was an impossible thought. In fact, due to inexistence of any instant communication system, it used to take several months to contact a person living in other country . However, today technology is evolved and various options are there to connect people in a blink of eye. Due to the availiblity of email, instant messaging softwares, and other voice over internet facilities, it is conviniently possible to easily and cheaply communicate with a person living in any country.

Medical sciences on the other hand has also evolved during last hundered years. The advancement in medical science has made it easy to cure certian diseases which was not possible before. For example, tuberculosis, which was once imagined as a deadly disease can now be cured due to the proper availiblity of appropriate medicines. The credit goes to the medical sciences which has made our lives’ more livable than it was a hundred years ago.

To conclude, the advancements in both communication system and health care industry has made vital contribuitions to our lives in order to live a better life today. Given the current trend of high research and development in technology and medical sectors, it is highly foreseeable that human life will be much better in coming decades.

TOEFL listening discussions: How does Dr Beech characterize the assistantship?

[Luschen]

Hi, welcome to the forum! I thought your essay was pretty good, but maybe I would make a minor tweak to your focus. The prompt asks if life is better today. You sort of skipped right over that and discussed why life is better. Maybe its just a matter of saying that people are healthier and live longer and so are happier, and then you can switch to the reason why we live longer. The same thing with your first paragraph - make sure to state that communicating with others makes us happy before jumping to technology. Your writing was pretty clear, but you had a lot of minor grammatical errors and a few phrases and sentences that were not really structured correctly. Overall, I think this would rate about a band 6.

@Viki250

Hello Luschen,

I am new to this group. I am preparing for IELTS Academics and having difficulty in assessing my writing skills for IELTS Writing module. I have seen your posts and felt really happy the way you help on this forum. Really, many thanks in advance! God Bless you !

Below is my attempt to a sample Essay. I will be grateful if you may review this Essay. Many thanks:

####################################
Life now is better than it was 100 years ago.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Living a happy life is a dream of every human being.{“human being” sounds a bit off to me here - I think it is best used when talking about biology or comparing humans to animals} Most of the ease and cure{“cure” does not make sense here} [ t]hat {are you by any chance from eastern Europe? We had a neighbor whose family made this error often, and now my son makes it too this seems like a good discussion of the issue: englishforums.com/English/D … g/post.htm }we enjoy today was not possible once. That being said, it is agreed that life today is better than what it was about 100 years ago. {“what” is correct here} This will be proven by analyzing, that how a technology {which technology are you talking about? medical technology? I think you shouldn’t use the “a”} has changed the way people connec[t ], as well as, the advancement in medical science for curing certain disases which [were incurable] was not able to cure before 100 years ago. {I don’t really like the idea of writing about what you are going to discuss or write about - just give a statement expressing your opinion on the issue for your thesis}

[A] Hundred years ago, it was quite difficult to communicate with a person living in [an]other part of the world. For example, if someone had an emergency case {“emergency case” is a bit vague unless you are a doctor} and want[ed] to update his friend instantly, then it was an impossible thought. {well, the thought was not impossible, but the action or task or challenge was} In fact, due to [the] inexistence of {this sounds a little awkward though} any instant communication system, it used to take several months to contact a person living in [an]other country . However, today technology is{“has” is better} evolved and various options are there {“available” sounds better} to connect people in a blink of eye. Due to the availiblity of email, instant messaging softwares{“software” is non-countable singular}, and other voice over internet facilities, it is conviniently{this conveniently seems redundant here} possible to easily and cheaply communicate with a person living in any country.

Medical sciences on the other hand {“on the other hand” is used to set up a contrast or opposing idea - here “in addition” is a better transition} has also evolved during [the] last hundered{spelling} years. The advancement in medical science has made it easy to cure certian{sp} diseases[,] which was not possible before. For example, tuberculosis, which was once imagined as a deadly disease[,] {more than imagined, I think - maybe known} can now be cured due to the proper availiblity of appropriate medicines. The credit goes to the medical sciences which ha[ve] made our lives’{no apostrophe - the possession is covered by “our”} more livable than it was[they were] a hundred years ago.

To conclude, the advancements in both [our] communication system and health care industry ha[ve] made vital contribuitions to our lives[, allowing us] in order to live a better life today. Given the current trend of high{“high” is not the best here - maybe “intensive”} research and development in technology and medical sectors, it is highly foreseeable that human life will be much better in coming decades.

TOEFL listening discussions: How does Dr Beech characterize the assistantship?