IELTS essay: About Education

Hi, everyone. My name is Rain. Here is my first IELTS essay in the forum. I desire I can get your help with my article. Thanks a lot!!!

[color=red]Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your experience.

As for the issue that whether we should deal with the children’s activities in an educational way or not, some people support it should be done while others think it’s totally a waste of time. I agree that during children’s activities, certain educational suggestions are needed.

Firstly, as far as we are concerned, the competition amongst the youth is not less severe than that in adults. More Parents pay more attention to the children’s education, which does not simply mean academic performance, but also versatility and practical skills. So in children’s leisure time, their schedules are tight with many classes to attend, such as playing piano and violin, drawing, dancing and cooking. All these need to be learned by taking up time. Parents are convinced that their kids can not to lose at the starting line.

Secondly, it is also necessary to give guidance to children’s leisure activities. Leisure activities do not simply mean relaxing or refreshing oneself at random, in which there is a chance that children are likely to get into some trouble or develop some unfavorable habits. If educational suggestions can be given, it is likely to avoid all these potential dangers. They can also learn how to arrange their leisure time properly so that their lives would be easy to handle. The children can also be improved to the greatest extent.

Last but not the least, for either parents or the teachers, dealing with kids’ leisure time in an educational way is not a waste of time. When they need to “educate” the kids, they are required to be equipped with certain knowledge related. And it’s convinced that during the process, for parents and teachers, it’s unavoidable to receive such training on how to direct the children properly, efficiently and scientifically, which is also the improvement for them in knowledge or skills, especially in communication skills regarded as a big problem to educate kids.

Thus, educational ideas put into the children’s leisure activities are essential for both teachers and parents rather than a waste of time.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university students who met on campus

Rainwy, you have the essentials of a good essay here, but you are failing to get your ideas across in an orderly manner.

You have obviously studied hard and long. Review this essay again. Examine every sentence separately and find the faults therein. Then repost it.

A good essay to dissect.


Kitos, thanks for your suggestions . I will revise it as soon as possible. I’m looking forward to your second comment.