I need assesment of my writing skills.

Hello Everyone,

Hopefully, you’re all doing well in your preparation to the TOEFL. Please, give me your feedback for my writing. Here is my essay:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

People who have an active lifestyle should balance different types of their life activities in order to be healthy both physically and mentally. Without sufficient physical training, one can become obese and consequently get cardiovascular diseases. On the other hand, one who obsessively do sports can get diseases related to excessive exercises, particularly joint problems. Additionally, lack of sports makes people depressed and passive. Taking this into account, a university should allocate budget in the way that maximizes students’ overall productivity. As a student, I understand an importance of sports and support an idea of funding students’ sports activities as much as it is done for university libraries.

First and foremost, we have to understand that sports activities such as swimming, soccer, basketball, tennis, etcetera improve students’ health, so that they are not distracted from their studying by illness or diseases. What’s more, being active in sports gives an individual advantages over regular students who follow mainstream lifestyle. For example, it’s well-known fact that sports facilitate process of studying due to an increase of the amount of oxygen supplying the brain. Moreover, some sports help to socialize with peers. This is important during adolescence period when people obtain essential social skills which they need throughout their lives. Team spirit, empathy and interaction with others are one of the examples of vital skills everyone needs.

However, it is not so easy for university administration to allocate the same amount of money for sports activities as it does for university libraries due to the shortage of a budget. For instance, many universities cannot afford funding of sports activities at all, except for several trainings per a month. For example, my university provides only one class of physical training a week. Besides, extensive sports activities can draw students’ attention to games and competition and distract them from their primary and main activity - studying.

Both lack of physical activity and excess of such activity lead to dissatisfaction and serious consequences in one’s health, but everyone needs to keep healthy. Thus, if a university is interested in healthy and prominent individuals, optimal allocation of budget should be a subject of thoughtful consideration. Conjointly with scientists, university administration has to decide how much sports students must have in order to be a successful in their studying.

Nowadays people are not required to be active physically, however, as many centuries ago, they still need physical training which has to be provided by social institution such as colleges, universities and schools.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why is Carlos Finlay significant?

Hi, your writing is very good, but your essay was not entirely convincing to me. Two of your body paragraphs did not really support your thesis at all. For this type of essay, the graders expect you to pick one side or the other and defend your choice. Still, your writing quality is very good, with only a few problems with your articles and prepositions. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.


Thank you for your assessment.
I felt like I had missed something important. I understand your response very well.
Well, I will be working on addressing a topic more vigorously, and I’ll be more convincing too.

Best Regards!

'For instance, many universities cannot afford funding “of” sports activities at all, except for several trainings per a month.

Dont you think we should ommir “of”?

I think it sounds ok with the “of”, but would also be fine without it. In fact, I think all of these would be acceptable:

universities cannot afford funding of sports activities
universities cannot afford funding for sports activities
universities cannot afford funding sports activities
universities cannot afford the funding of sports activities
universities cannot afford to fund sports activities

Note that “funding” can be either a noun or a verb - with the “of” it is a noun, whereas without the “of” it is a verb (actually a gerund in this case)

By the way, I am so glad you are reading these essays. I always wonder if perhaps only the original poster reads them.

Hello Luschen and everybody,

I would love to browse through such pages with live chats of improving English language skills! Please keep it up!